piper's blog

Saying hi

Submitted by piper on

Hi Marnia, Gary, and everyone else! It's been several weeks since I declared victory in my little struggle and so I haven't really written as much as I used to write here in my time of desperation. I'm just writing to give a brief update, to cheer people up and to say that I haven't really forgotten about this warm community.

Day 125: Amazing sex

Submitted by piper on

Hi everybody, I haven't been writing for a while, mostly because I was very busy with all kinds of other things, but it's time for an update - and a great update. Smile

After 125 days of total abstinence, last night I had great sex and a lot of it - with my new girlfriend. This is shaping up to be a monogamous relationship, I have totally fallen for the girl, so we decided to go ahead and not use condoms. This wasn't my idea either...

90 Days

Submitted by piper on

It's the beginning of day 90 today and I figured I should write a couple of notes to mark this occasion. I'm even having some wine to celebrate. Smile

Throughout the last 3 months I have not ejaculated. There have been two exceptions - both in the form of wet dreams in which my hand didn't participate and my mind only participated unconsciously. So I don't count these as failures. I have not watched any porn for even longer than those 90 days of no masturbation to orgasm - it's been probably 100 days since the last porn viewing. The last ever porn viewing.

Wet dream No.2

Submitted by piper on

Well, last night was my second wet dream in this process. The first was on day 24, this one was on day 85 - 2 months later. The interesting, and disturbing, thing about it is that while I was waking up due to the ongoing ejaculation, I wasn't even being fully erect - if anything I was rather soft. Yet I ejaculated. I got up in the middle of the night, cleaned myself up, and went to sleep again. Then I woke up in the morning with a strong, firm erection that stayed there for a while. Then I went on with my day and I felt a bit horny in the late afternoon - and even right now as I'm writing.

Achieving and maintaining erections

Submitted by piper on

The last 3 days I've tried to make better use of my morning erections by putting a condom on but without really masturbating. (For those not following my story too closely: in the past I've had condom problems which I try to overcome.) The condom feels very well and looks great. For any of you thinking that you hate condoms, try putting one on when you have an erection - you'll like the way it looks and feels. However, since the erections are not quite full, I either have to pet my penis a bit or touch my testicles - in order to make it full so that I can put on the condom.

Better feelings today

Submitted by piper on

The last time I wrote here I sounded pretty upset. Today I feel a bit better. I have already mentioned elsewhere that since resolving this issue is so important to me, I tend to prioritize it. I am often on this website, following the forums. I also follow other forums. I wish this could be resolved at some point in the near future, so that I can really focus on other stuff. I am that kind of guy: if sex doesn't work, nothing really works. If it works, everything works. So my wish to resolve it is not just to get laid. Getting laid allows me to be energized on all other fronts.

End of week 7

Submitted by piper on

Well, today marks the completion of the 7th week and the beginning of the 8th week of this new period of my life.

I have to say I am feeling for sure better about myself - for having stayed clean that long. I would say that throughout the last couple of months porn was not really a serious problem for me - before I quit I had only watched it from time to time - but no masturbation for 7 weeks: till now that has never been. (I'm not saying anything new here; I'm just writing this for myself.)

Day 48

Submitted by piper on

Alright, so tomorrow will mark the 7th week of no more self-abuse. What I can testify so far is the non-linearity of this whole thing. After about 3 weeks I remember I started itching for stimulation - which I resisted. Then there was a period of mostly ebb, interrupted by the occasional flow. The last four mornings I've had morning erections and have resisted touching myself. This is not easy as when you are half-awake and erect, the hands attempt to go there automatically, or, if you are on your belly, you start impulsively moving in a copulation-like way.

Day 45

Submitted by piper on

Whenever I hear a commercial about cialis or viagra, it makes me sad - I really hope I overcome this condition now and for good, so I avoid taking such drugs one day. I wonder how many (perhaps millions of) men's problems are perpetuated with the support of such drugs... I know there might come an age... but I've also heard of guys in their 20s and 30s taking such drugs. Way to support the pharma-porno industrial complex. Way to continue gorging people with fake crap - both for their minds and for their bodies - and telling them they are happy and satisfied.