ProPenguin's blog

I fucked it all up

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I fucked up. After 45 days. I fucked up. I was sort of edging and I accidentally came. The shame, I hate myself. Seriously, Why am I eve trying? 45 days work for nothing. For nothing. I'm going to stay a messed up human being forever aren't I.

Day 45! Half way - some improvements

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Hey!

I'm halfway there and to mark it I had my first wet dream tonight. Could someone tell me if those affect your reboot or there are any adverse affects? I know they're avoidable but I had what felt like a high dopamine dream then I woke up 30 minutes later and noticed I was wet. It didn't look like I shot out a full load, just a big wet spot that smellt like semen.

Day 30! - Some porn slips but doing ok (plus a porn addiction article)

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Hey guys. It's day 30 for me. I haven't masturbated or ejaculated at all but I have watched porn a couple times and let me tell you, the next day I feel like shit. I'll have really good progress the whole week and then get drunk or something and then watch some.

I'm proud of myself for not masturbating but disappointed in the porn. I don't think I'll do it again. I know better.

Day 17. Slipped and watched some

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Hey guys. It's day 17 and I slipped and watched some porn. Luckily, I didn't masturbate, which is the more important part for me. I think I'll keep going (as in not restart)because I don't know how much it really will affect my reboot.

I was drunk and I couldn't control myself. I'm so stupid and I feel really guilty. But I'm proud that I didn't masturbate. If it does end up affecting me, I'll just go twenty days longer at the end, but I think it will be alright. :/

Day 7 - I'm back and I'm going to do it this time.

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Hey guys. I didn't too so well. I got to day 18 and was feeling great and then I had a fall out with my girlfriend...and then everything turned to shit. I felt useless...like I was doing this reboot for no reason and that I was never going to get better. I started watching porn again and masturbating. I was so ashamed I couldn't bring myself back here. I then tried again 2 separate times, but the fartherst I got was to day 7 but I realized I had been looking at pornographic pictures (it's funny how sometimes you don't even realize it.

Day 11 - Improvements in Double Digits

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Well day 11. I have to be honest, I'm glad I'm not one of the sufferers of ED. I did, however, feel it coming on when I used to have sex with my girlfriend. It wouldn't always get hard and it wouldn't stay hard. After 11 days, I'm rock hard all the time. I've been flirting with girls online, nothing too sexually stimulating but I've talked about sex a little bit with some. This isn't a big deal to me; I was trying to stop the constant searching for new girls and extreme roleplaying/camming. If I'm getting turned on by just the idea of having sex with a girl, something is working.

Day 8 - Past 1 Week

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Well, I'm at day 8, from one wednesday to another and I'm not feeling bad. In fact, my OCD has gone down quite a bit I feel without the constant checking/fantasies. I do still have my spouts of it, but for the most part it's a little better. I am horny a lot, which is good, but it's also bad because I really, really, really want to come. All I can think of when I'm horny is the actual act of cumming itself, like that's the highlight of the fantasy. I try to stop fantasizing but sometimes it's hard. I still want to look at porn, but hey, it's just day 8.

Day 5 - OCD

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I made it five days. Well, it's 1 am of the fifth day but I'm going to bed soon and don't know if I have time tomorrow. Not watching porn isn't the hard part. It's not masturbating. I just want to do it so bad. I want to cum so bad. Almost every girl I see is like fuckable in some way, but I guess that's a good sign. My brain is going crazy. I'm really tired and don't have too much energy.

Day 1 - The Reboot Begins.

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First day of reboot and I'm already seeing LOTS of changes. Haha I wish it were that easy. I deleted MSN from my computer and will look for a more permanent deletion of contacts when I have faster internet. If anyone knows how to delete the messenger screenname without deleting the entire email, let me know.

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