Almost 1 1/2 years of sobriety, and then... (WARNING - MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERS)

Submitted by Proverbs31.30 on
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Hello everybody, it's been a long time since I've posted here last, but I'm currently in a situation where I feel the need to share about my struggles again.

I indulged in FMO for the last time back in 2013, when I was interested in somebody. However, it ended in another buried affection; and I even got so depressed at some point that I lost any interest in fantasizing.

Anyway, things have changed. I'm doing much better by God's grace, and I have even met a very nice, handsome and spiritual young man with whom I've been working with lately. We are not in a courtship at this point, however we became sort of special friends. So I started fantasizing again – and of course all my imaginations involved him and me doing exciting things together in bed. Of course this is a challenge for me that I haven't had for a while. For almost 1 1/2 years, I almost didn't have to fight against the urge. I only remember once waking up during the night and having an orgasm, which was quite strange. And of course this touch hunger has always been present, but I haven't ended up stimulating myself.

Now, with my new friend, the devil has tried very hard to bring me down again. I remember one morning back in February, I was not in a hurry to begin my day, when I started rubbing and humping pillows again. A few weeks after that, I did something similar, imagining having the most wonderful sexual experience with this young man.

Anyway, it was about 8 days ago when I found myself in bed being totally exhausted from work and temporary sleep-deprivation. I had this strong feeling that I needed relief. So I ended up stimulating myself to orgasm. I tried to finish as quickly as possible, without fantasizing. It felt sooo good, and I felt so much better for the rest of the day. However, I wanted to leave it at that. But unfortunately, two days later, I FMO'd again. I had a very bad feeling aftwards. I went down on my knees, asked the Lord for forgiveness, reciting Psalm 51. I could see very clearly the ugliness of sin.

Nevertheless, I felt good physically. I felt so refreshed and relaxed. This has been one week now, and I'm doing ok as far as the temptation is concerned. It's still hard for me though to switch off these erotic fantasies that involve my new friend. How can I switch off something that I've been craving for after all? I'm just wondering why the orgasms have helped me so much to somehow get back into balance. Or is this a deception?


from an energy perspective

you built up a huge amount of yin sexual energy. your contact with this new guy who has yang sexual
energy has acted like a spark to draw out your yin. maybe its time to practice karezza with him??
or if single cultivation is the path taken a practice which enables you to manage, circulate and transform your sexual energy.

Thanks for your input

taoman, however I should have pointed out (for those who don't know me yet on this forum) that I'm a bible-believing Christian, and thus sex before marriage is not an option for me. So I just need to find away to deal with my sexual fantasies and urges as long as I'm still single. And of course that's much more difficult if there is somebody you are physically attracted to....

I think it always feels good

when our sexual desire awakens. After all, our bodies evolved to seek reproduction, so it figures that the bosy would "reward" us for firing up desire.

Finding a balance is the challenge. Some people come up with a masturbation schedule. Are there any guidelines for healthy masturbation?

I think the fantasy is the challenge here. Fantasy can make the "itch" worse. Sexual Fantasy: The More You Scratch the More You Itch

Maybe try to focus on him when you're with him, and try not to focus on him when you're not. What can you do to get to know him better in a non-sexual way (first)?

you dont have to have sex

some light touching and hugging would help.

if you are interested in learning about and working with your sexual energy Mantak Chias book on female sexuality may be helpful. the .pdf versfion is on the internet and msg me if you want the link.

Thank you

for the book recommendation, but I better don't fill my mind with books on sexuality right now.

Marnia, thanks for the suggestion to focus on him more when we are actually together. The only thing is that I'm overseas right now and will only see him again in 1 1/2 weeks when he comes to pick me up from the shuttle bus (sigh).

Since I've left the place last Sunday, I've been fantasizing some more, and I have also indulged in M one more time. Right now, I feel like I could do it again, but it really bothers me as I can see that I'm sliding back into the habit. Self-pleasure is not satisfying at all in the long term. But is it really so bad if I do it once in a while to get some relief? The article you suggested talks mainly about male ejaculation. Is it applicable also to females?

How to ease the misery

Hi All,

I haven't been able to get on here lately, as they have a filter on the internet connection where I'm currently living. Anyway, I've looked at the article on "Sexual Energy and the Single Woman" again and I read again one comment of a woman who was trying to get over her "horniness":

"The last 5 days there was always horniness in the background, which made me more stressed out. I sometimes gently stroked my vagina, as a massage. That did take out the pressure. So yesterday I decided to do this again (I had always been too tired to do this in the evening) and I have the feeling it works. I stroke it really gently about half an hour until the horniness was (nearly) gone and I fell asleep. It felt better than ignoring my sexuality. If you want to calm down you can try this: Put your finger into your vagina and let it be surrounded by your inner muscles, just lie still. That calmed me down."

Well, when I tried some of this recently, I ended up stimulating myself to orgasm. I just wonder if there are any females out here in my situation (i. e. having lots of sexual drive but nobody to release it with) who have some experience with easing their horniness? At the moment, it's really hard for me not to engage in FMO. Fantasies without acting out have been an issue lately anyway, but of course the acting out part is a particular burden for me, because I'm so ashamed of me masturbating in spite of knowing better...

Are you fantasizing while you do it?

That would decrease the effectiveness of this approach. Have you tried drawing the sexual energy up your spine? It can spread the arousal throughout your body, thus diffusing it from your genitals.

You might also simply "palm" your genital area with no movement.

And please don't feel guilty. You're wrestling with a normal, natural drive. You win some, you lose some, but there's nothing to feel guilty about.

Any news on the romance front? That's the real solution. This isn't a site about celibacy. Kiss 3

Drawing sexual energy away from the critical spot

Lately I have often masturbated without any fantasizing - just to get some relief from my horniness. But I like the approach with drawing sexual energy up my spine. In fact, I've tried it last night, and I felt my spine getting somehow warm. Is that normal? Since I have recently masturbated, the throbbing at my clitoris is still there, but this practice seems to help to get off the focus of this area. But I realize that I should rather avoid touching my genital area, even if it's without stroking.

As for the "romance front", I unfortunately had to realize that the young man I was interested in (the one who had been the protagonist in my latest fantasies) has some character flaws I would have a hard time dealing with. So at least for now, there is nobody in my life I would consider pursuing a serious involvement with. Of course I would like to meet my man rather sooner than later, but right now I can only wait and pray.

But at the latest when I'm married and start experimenting with karezza, I'll be back on here ;-).

I'm curious

What do you notice in the days after you masturbate? Some people notice immediate relief, followed by more intense cravings over the following days. I'm curious what your experience has been. What is "the chaser?"

As for the energy circulation exercises, people describe warmth, tingles, etc. when the energy moves.

Sorry to hear about the young man. Hope Mr. Right shows up soon.

I do get some relief

and I often don't think I necessarily need to do it again right away. However, there is this "throbbing" at my clitoris that I had mentioned, which somehow calls for another round of M; and that's why I have often done it again the next day or so. I have also found that this intense touch hunger never really goes away - and an orgasm gives me at least temporary relief of that.

The cravings also somewhat depend on my monthly cycle. Right now, it's the week leading towards ovulation, and that's usually my "hottest" time of the month :-(.

I like it

I really like this exercise. It helps to tighten the muscles in my genitals and feel the sexual tension go up my spine. I'm determined to do it for the next three weeks and to journal my feelings. I really hope that it will help me to get my drive down and to focus on other things. Sexual fantasies still keep creeping in all the time...