Hello I'm back once again on this forum! Many things have happened since my last entry.
The most exciting thing is that I've met a wonderful Christian man. We are getting to know each other and I feel very comfortable with him. I've never been so sure that this must be the right one, as I have never seen so much compatibility. I've counseled with somebody who knows both him and me, and this person is also optimistic. But time will tell of course.
Shortly before this new acquaintance, one of my two ex-boyfriends (with whom I was together back in the 90s) was stalking me. He tried everything to win me back, but I didn't even give him the glimpse of a chance. This was quite stressful of course, although he only sent me emails. I'm relieved now because he seems to have given up.
Anyway, with this new man, I've been tempted again to fantasize, but it's getting better. In fact, I'm feeling very numb right now, and I wouldn't want to have any sexual contact at this point. The thing is that I'm dealing with my past relationships at the moment, and the fact that my Ex was stalking me (besides the fact that I've met a new man), has triggered this.
I have this wounded feeling around my vagina (which is hard to describe). I've had this before - usually whenever I would consider a new relationship - but it has never been so intense. I guess I just need to give it some time to heal. I don't know if I should seek counseling on this particular matter (i. e. my sexual past). I do have some friends I can trust, and I hope I will be able to talk with somebody in the near future.
Currently, I'm just trying to write things down: About how I lost my virginity, as well all the other sexual encounters I had before and after this traumatic experience. I guess that's the best thing I can do at this point.
Any other suggestions what could help me to go through this process?