Starting Over. Day 94.

Submitted by pushfoorward on
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LOL! So I let Day 90 whizz right past me didn't i? I was so determined to post on that day as well. But I did something even better. I was at an all day dance intensive with the people I dance with. And it was soooo much fun. And I loved it. Needless to say, I went home and fell asleep. My emotions have been acting funny but Im not quite sure if that's due to that little slip up with PM a few weeks ago or if my emotions are just going through it. Either way, i'm fine now, lol. But yea! I'M EXCITED! I FINALLY HIT DAY 90!!!! And I think I'll celebrate by going out to eat with my best friend this weekend. I ran into an old classmate at a mindfulness seminar this past tuesday and his friend works at a breakfast place that I didn't know existed. So i'm going to go check it out with my best friend and eat a brilliant breakfast to celebrate, lol. Aside from that, nothing new. I go back and forth with craving a relatationship.. I think the bulk of it is "I just want human interaction." I used to say that I was gonna run away from the outside world and live alone. But since i've started abstaining from PMO 90 days ago (wow! it seemed so far away and now look at me) I really really hate spending too much time by myself. And what makes it worse is that I live in a house.. alone... on the outskirts of town... with no car. It's completely awful! And now I crave human interaction alll the time, lol. Hopefully things will look up soon, though. Thanks for watching me take this journey! And it will continue, i'll try my hardest to check in at least once a month, preferably once every 2 weeks. But yea, it's doable. And Im a whole different person, and continuing to transform as a result of this PMO. It's funny, I hit my 90 day mark, yet I still feel like the reboot isn't quite over. It's getting there. But i'm not quite there yet. So I'll continue to post and i'll definitely make sure to let everyone know when I finally feel like i'm officially rebooted.... if such a feeling exists. Thanks for your support!

Additional note:
This just came to my mind but I will say that I do notice guys more... and not like........ in sexual way? I'm not sure how to describe it but now when I see people, i'm less concerned about looks. In fact, I kind of look past their looks and I'm more interested in who they are. I find myself talking to people I NEVER would have talked to before, just trying to be a good friend. I don't feel as awkward in conversation with people anymore. I can actually keep a conversation going, i'm good at making eye contact now and it's not something I feel like I have to think about and mull over anymore like "should i look away now? am i staring? do i look weird?" now it just kind of flows. I'm really just a lot less nervous being in public. I strike up conversations all the time and barely notice. I'm a lot more confident when I walk and a lot less worried about people's impressions of me. I mean, it still kind of gets to me a little. Yea, I still have a little bit of anxiety, but I will definitely blame that on my slip up of PM a couple of weeks ago. So I'm working on recovering from that. But aside from that I really ahve become a completely different person. My social anxiety has become drastically reduced, i'm actually interested in getting to know people... i actually have a libido! It's really made me a much better person and I can't wait to see how I am when the effects of that slip up wear off (haven't been very motivated and i've been really negative and depressed). I'll be unstoppable!! And hopefully i'll have a boyfriend or something by the end of summertime, haha.