RecoverED's blog

SIX WEEKS

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Tomorrow is day 42 and I have no intention of stopping or slowing down.

Woke up to strong morning wood and had some libido for the first time in I don't know how long. Libido was up and down throughout the day but I am definitely taking notice of the girls around me. Still need to make some progress but I'm hoping that this is the beginning of the end of my flatline.

FIVE WEEKS!!

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Deep into new waters. Non-linearity is making another unwanted appearance as things have taken a turn for the low. Held the hand of my girlfriend and got a solid erection from it as a result (little awkward walking into an ice cream shop with a cone already in my pants). Also, over the weekend I got a few spontaneous erections but I just haven't felt that real uptick in libido I keep hoping for. I have been pretty moody and I have had cravings to look at porn, though I have successfully said no to them all.

FOUR WEEKS!

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I've broken my previous record and made it to 27 days of no pmo. Tomorrow will mark 28 days (4 weeks) and I'm cautiously optimistic that I'm going to turn the corner. I've started to wake up with morning wood again. I'm still in a flatline but I feel blips here and there, which gives me hope. Still staying vigilant and hoping to beat this for good. Will post again in a week or so.

Thanks again for all the support provided here, at YBOP, and Your Brain Rebalanced. I think it is terrible that more people do not know about the horrors of pornography and porn addiction.

Three Weeks Today

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It has been 21 days since my pmo relapse. I am battling some pretty bad depression and anxiety. I saw Michele and ended up staying over at her place last night, which ended horribly. I couldn't get hard and so I awkwardly ended what started out as an intimate and enjoyable make out session.

I'm not turning to porn but I'm pretty bummed that I continue to struggle with this. Overall my reboot has been going fairly well sans last night and the past week. Looking forward to posting my next entry, which will hopefully talk about how things have turned around.

THREE WEEKS!

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2/22/2012: Today is day 15. I think about the girl I'm seeing (let's call her Michele) throughout the day. I try not to think too in depth about it but it has been difficult. Just thinking about her or reading a text from her gives me 50-70% erection. The same holds true when I am with her. No desire to look at porn. I feel like I am starting to get increasingly sensitive and hope to keep moving forward. Mood has been good and anxiety has been low. I think that things are actually looking well for me. Fingers crossed that things turn out that way.

TWO WEEKS

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2/20/2012: I had a better day today. I could not sleep at all. I ended up getting up early and going to work out. I walked back to my apartment through the park and really enjoyed myself. I'm still in a flatline but I'm hoping that things are going to start to take a positive swing upward. Tomorrow will be the two week mark, which is the longest I've gone since last year. I got a text from the girl I went out with and it was really good. It was not sexual at all (she told me that she had a great time) and I got a 50% erection just from reading it! I actually take that as a good sign.

Day 12: First date/Reboot questions

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2/18/2012: Felt pretty bad last night but I tried to get proactive in my own weird way. I re-arranged the furniture in my room, took out the garbage, read some rebooting accounts, and committed myself to texting a girl I know tomorrow. These seem like small steps but I know that I cannot sit around being depressed about my reboot and flatline. I tried the Tibetian Rite and Firebreath. I was already relatively calm so I'm not too sure of the effects. I'm going to try and cut out my anxiety pills.

Reflections - Day 10

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2/15/2012: I feel caged and sad. I don't know why but the more interact with this girl from my class the worse I feel. I think about her when I'm not with her and really feel good but when I'm around I become really nervous. I still feel good when I interact with her but I automatically begin to put pressure on myself. I know I shouldn't and I try not to but I can't seem to help it.

48 hours of insanity (one week pmo clean)

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2/10/2012: The anxiety/depression I feel has been terrible for the past 24 hours. That being said, it is good for my reboot. I've wanted to reboot since September of 2011 but I haven't wanted it like I want it now. These feelings have not been with me for several years. The amount of pain and suffering I've placed on myself all comes from 2D illusions. I read on a YBOP success story that a guy replaced porn with a "life." It's time I start doing the same.

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