2/22/2012: Today is day 15. I think about the girl I'm seeing (let's call her Michele) throughout the day. I try not to think too in depth about it but it has been difficult. Just thinking about her or reading a text from her gives me 50-70% erection. The same holds true when I am with her. No desire to look at porn. I feel like I am starting to get increasingly sensitive and hope to keep moving forward. Mood has been good and anxiety has been low. I think that things are actually looking well for me. Fingers crossed that things turn out that way.
2/23/2012: Day 16 and non-linearity. Today was a fairly strong flatline day with a decent amount of anxiety. I'm starting to fantasize about her and I know that I shouldn't. Knowing that I should not do something and then doing that thing, albeit inadvertently, is probably my cause of anxiety. I'm getting ready to go for a quick run and do some abs. Getting dinner with Michele and then heading home for a four day weekend.
2/24/2012: Flatline is back. Today has been a little rough but I got great news about something related to school so it temporarily made me feel better. Went to the beach and relaxed today. Going to get some more R&R this weekend and hopefully see some progress.
2/25/2012: I had morning wood and a decent day overall. I went onto a website that had ads of women for dating sites and fashion magazines. I had no reaction to it. I either attribute it to a flatline or progress in that a 2D image no longer does it for me. I had a very weird but enjoyable sensation in my groin tonight. I didn't touch myself but there was electricity like feeling going through me. This feeling was only in my groin, making it particularly peculiar.
2/26/2012: Not much to report today. I woke up with wood and went back to bed. When I woke up later I didn't have any at all. I am deep in the flatline and hoping that things will take a turn for the better soon. Things have kind of settled down for me. I'm still going through ups and downs emotionally but they aren't as severe as they were in weeks one and two. I've always been pretty emotional so the swings are nothing new. I ended up going back on the anti-depressants but kicked the anxiety and sleeping pills. I plan to stay on them and see where things stand. Hopefully this extended flatline is not the result of the anti-depressants diminishing my libido.
I offended Michele (inadvertently) on Thursday and have won't see her until Tuesday when we have class together. I hope that things are good but if not c'est la vie. I have worried about it some but overall I have been pretty good about not getting lost in my thoughts/emotions. I am somewhat surprised that my reboot has had no cravings thus far. I have had a collective 20 seconds of desire but other than things have been non-existent. Thankfully my fantasies have gone away over the past few days but I'm weary that they will pop up when I see Michele (Assuming we're on good terms). Hoping for the best and waiting for things to take a turn for the better.
2/27/2012: 20 DAYS FREE! Today is twenty days of no pmo. No cravings, albeit no libido. I had a surge of horniness when I woke up from a nap and the old cravings and reward thoughts came back into play. Thankfully I have k9. The surge went away quickly and I had no wood from it. That being said, I am 3 days from tying my best effort at this. Tomorrow marks three weeks.
2/28/2012: THREE WEEKS! Things have been rather dead today but I fortunately reconciled with Michele. It took a lot more out of me than I wanted. I really have to work on curtailing the fantasies though. They aren't explicit but thinking about it hurts. I have had an urge or two but other than that I've been lifeless. I'm curious as to why I'm like this. The last two times I made it this far into the reboot I was so horny I couldn't contain myself. This time around, I've had little to no libido and it sucks. I got spurts here and there and interactions with Michele are decent but not what I thought they would be after three full weeks of a reboot. I don't think that my fantasizing is the root of my issues because it isn't something I do intentionally. I'll see a girl and think of an ideal conversation in my head with her but other than I've been good about it.
Does anyone have any thoughts about my reboot taking a different turn this time around?