***This post originally appeared on recoveringsexaddicts.com/diary-of-a-no-fapper
I have been chronicling my 90 day no-fap journey. After 4 weeks of no masturbation, I still felt about the same physiologically. So after reading CUPID'S POISONED ARROW, my wife and I decided to try Karezza. Here's how it's been going:
Day 29: First day of no-fap hard mode, aka PMO (no porn, no masturbation, no orgasms in relationship). Feeling good. Had a pleasant day. Tried to begin the ecstatic exchanges, but my wife was "tired" and not interested. I got really upset and resentful.
Day 30: Valentine's Day! Who doesn't have sex on Valentine's Day??? This guy. I carried my resentment throughout the day, and was very unromantic toward my wife. We got in a relatively major fight about it, but finally made up before going to sleep. No sex, but we did begin Karezza by doing the first prescribed exchange (in the back of Cupid's Poisoned Arrow) together. It went well and helped us reconnect.
Day 31: Good day with family, my wife and I both were looking forward to night #2 of the exchanges. It went well, was very intimate and gratifying, though not very sexual. I called in to an SAA telemeeting as well.
Day 32: Another decent day in recovery. For the first time in a very long time, my wife was looking more forward to being with me in the evening than I was with her! Is this Karezza thing working?
Day 33: I was supposed to go to an SAA meeting, but didn't because of extenuating circumstances. More exchanges/bonding, felt extremely satisfying and good. My wife and I really connected.
Day 34: My wife was abnormally loving and pleasant toward me today, even though she had good reasons to be stressed. By the time we got to bed (very late in the evening), we didn't feel like doing the prescribed ecstatic exchange. We did it anyways.
Day 35: Day 7 of no orgasms! I am really starting to feel it! My testicles are sore, even though we have NOT been getting too excited/sexual. I'm just not used to not ejaculating.
Week 6 has been the most rewarding so far! The strong sexual urges/desires that I felt last week have mostly subsided, and have been replaced with a contentment that feels unusual. I am enjoying my wife more than I have in a long time. Romantic (more than just sexual) feelings are returning. I bought my wife flowers for the first time in probably over a year! I'm interested in comforting her and showing her non-sexual, non-goal-driven affection. Is not climaxing for over two weeks actually making my life better? I thought that was impossible!
Day 36: My Dad came to visit, and we stayed up late with him. I thought that might throw off our karezza exercises for the evening, but it didn't. Good day overall.
Day 37: Got upset at my wife in the morning (the exchanges might be working, but life still has its daily trials!). Felt disconnected all day, but not too triggered. Did our exchanges in the evening.
Day 38: Another good day in recovery, with no desire to masturbate. Toward the end of the day, I got very annoyed with my wife about something, and I did not want to do Karezza. But my wife 'made' me do it, and by the end I felt reconnected with her and had forgotten what all my anger was about. I was glad we did it!
Day 39: I was looking forward to the Karezza exercises all day, because it said we'd be putting our hands on each other's genitals (with the goal of comforting, not stimulating). It was intense, and it really got my wife heated up. We ended up entering the ol' mammalian foreplay routines, with a lot of passion, kissing, etc. It was a lot of fun and very invigorating, but with neither of us climaxing and no sex (yet!), it was difficult to get to sleep.
Day 40: I woke up feeling very interested in my wife, and plotted all day how to show her. I bought her flowers, wrote her a card, etc. Not very interested in other women all day, either. The exercise for this evening was to dance together to romantic music. It was great, and neither of us pushed the limits this time around.
Day 41: Went to an SAA meeting in the morning (my first in-person meeting in two weeks - shame on me!). Had a very busy and productive day, then my aunt/uncle came to stay with us in the evening. Again, I thought we might not do our bonding exercises, but we made time. Well-worth it.
Day 42: 14 days without orgasm! This is definitely the longest I've been without any sexual release for more than a decade, perhaps 15 years. And life couldn't be any better (emotionally) right now, despite all the stresses of work and life. But I'm definitely looking forward to re-introducing sex back into our relationship this week! Sidenote: I've been getting uncomfortable/sharp pain in my testicles intermittently. That can't be a good thing...