Resolved2BeatThis's blog

ramping back up

Submitted by Resolved2BeatThis on

slowly gaining momentum again. had streaks of 1 week (6 days) and 9 days before PMO.

interestingly i had recently put K9 back on a work computer that has been a problem for me and in so doing, i forgot the password! haha how opportune. I admit that I did try and hack it and held back from hitting the "Forgot Password" link. I'm 'safe' from P in that regard.

it's been awhile

Submitted by Resolved2BeatThis on

..since i've been on here. it's been almost a year since i've discovered this site and started trying to abstain.

made it to 50 and 40 days in the beginning then stumbled badly and could not get any reasonable streak going.

just a few weeks ago i realized i hit 60 days! i only realized after a PMO which was kind of shocking (that i made it that far) and disappointing that i didn't go the full distance. i wasn't totally clean in those 60 days. did look at P and very light M but not frequent and very short visits.

hanging onto the bandwagon for dear life

Submitted by Resolved2BeatThis on

Been away for a bit and haven't made huge progress.

Back in March was my longest streak where i hit 121 days with only 4 PMOs. Since then I've reached maybe 2 weeks mostly around 7 days before pmo.

I keep re-noticing the benefits when I get to a week or two of no PMO. Lowered anxiety, more focus, better memory, voice is generally more relaxed and deeper although (perceived) anxiety inducing situations I notice how my voice moves up in register.

an important day

Submitted by Resolved2BeatThis on

today is a bittersweet day for me... for most others it would probably be a "screw everything else, this is about ME!" day.

the recent occurrences in my life have me up and down and up and down. u'd think after all this time, one would get used to riding the roller coaster. I suppose not and that's why people still get on those damned things (i'm not a roller coaster person hehe)

a new start

Submitted by Resolved2BeatThis on

I made it a solid 2 weeks with no PMO, longest stretch in awhile. Then had O with the wife fri nite and mon night (with no and very brief penetration respectively). Couldn't withstand the stress and chaser today and PMO'd. Gotta push back up that initial hill out of the hole.

I'm going to admit that PMO contributed to the demise of my marriage, it may not have caused it, it certainly contributed to it. I moved out last night. The battle with PMO is going to get a lot tougher.

Day 8 - seeking peace

Submitted by Resolved2BeatThis on

I don't recall what attempt I'm on anymore. I do know it's been quite some time since I started the reboot process (late 2011). I made an excellent initial run of 50 days, then 40 days then 20 days, then it was a really bumpy road with P and edging and PMO maybe making max 2 weeks but mostly going 3-5 days before relapsing in the recent past.

This Day 8 is the first decent string in a long time.

Day 7 (4th attempt)

Submitted by Resolved2BeatThis on

Haven't been on here in a long time. I was trying "no day counting" and to really use my own mental discipline to get over this problem. Wow, it was apparent before but it's mind numbingly obvious now how big a problem this is for me. I'm disheartened by the wasted time.

Those who have followed this blog know about my marriage issues on top of this, caused by this.

Day 36 - shaky knees

Submitted by Resolved2BeatThis on

haven't blogged in awhile, been meaning to and end up commenting and reading on here rather than posting. :P

at 18 days no O, 36 days no PMO about 15 w/o serious P viewing. this'll be 87 days with only one PMO. i guess that's pretty good progress in context.

The P peeks are bad, the cravings are bad and I don't know where my persistence has gone. argh!

Day 28 - 4 weeks - uphill climb

Submitted by Resolved2BeatThis on

4 weeks today! i'm not as enthused about it as i should be because I know I browsed P during Week 3... or week 2-3, will have to check my notes.

no PMO or MO or O. just a bit of P and no M.

really bad trigger is sleep, it's a horrible recurring theme throughout my blog. had a little bit of a late night last night and last weekend was a late night weekend. whenever i'm lacking sleep that resistance just goes down the drain. eventually mood goes down the drain as well. oh yeah, why don't we pile on poor eating as well *sigh*