Day 69 getting closer to the light?.. or is it a mirage?

Submitted by riselikethephoenix09 on
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So today marks day 69 no P, day 67 no MO.

Over the past couple days I've had morning wood, albeit weak ones, but still there. I generally am beginning to feel what many on here describe as libido. It's almost seemed like a legend, or mythical power or something up to this point. Hidden within me somewhere. Well, like an archaeologist, the last couple days I've been excavating this treasure. I can't say I've uncovered it, or even identified it. I have just begun to theorize what this mysterious feeling is. Libido.

It's not like the "I want her to sit on my face", or "I would bend her over" urges. It's not even an urge. I mentioned in earlier posts it has been very hard to distinguish urges from libido. I have thought this libido was going to be some sort of generator for sexual potency and energy and to some extent it is, but I find it to be-from what I've experienced in these short 2 days-is that it is more of a natural force inside. A life force. A gravity that harnesses desire and with that desire comes the natural urge to seek a partner. This desire is the core of our sexuality I believe. It is meant to give us a more natural desire for something natural as well. In turn, maybe seeking out the preferred source- a female. I believe that it's both "gravities" in the male and female that when brought together or sought out, these gravities draw eachother in closer and closer, desire gets stronger and stronger and that is connection and intimacy. Both these forces coming together and drawing eachother closer.

That's how I know that I have dug deep and my libido is emerging. It is a natural feeling of desire and it certainly isn't profound, but this excavation isn't over yet.

No physical changes quite yet, still pretty soft in that regard, but have gained much confidence in FINALLY seeing a significant result after 69 long days! Looking to try karezza thursday with my lady and cutting out all internet aside from work related email and this site.

GOOD luck to all!


hell yeah man

"A gravity" is a great way to describe it. I'm starting to feel surges in myself again as well (Day 84). I've noticed I've been a little more emotional lately. I damn near cried when I heard a song called "First Breath After Coma" by Explosions in the Sky (give it a listen if you like).

Sounds like you've got some daylight. Buckle down and push even harder toward it. Great work.

Keep me posted man. Seems

Keep me posted man. Seems like you and I are on the same schedule so to speak. Feels good to poke my head out of this hole that is my flatline. Hopefully it was the only one for how long it was. almost 10 weeks of nothing. Let the rewire begin!

keep up the good work bro. hope the best.

I'm cheering

for you both.

I love your attempt to explain the difference between urges and libido. Someone asked me that recently, and it was very hard to  explain. You might enjoy the exchange:


Suppose that this person watching porn regularly (“excessively“ someone could say) decides to give up this “bad“ habit and to “cure“ himself/herself and as a result goes without porn and masturbation for a month or so. Of course the person experiences a dramatic increase of sexual sensitivity!!! You know, sexual frustration (the month without sexual release) tends to do it :)


Is it possible you're confusing cravings with sexual frustration? Not all libido is the same. Cravings are a sign of addiction. They are different from a healthy "urge to merge."

In the case of addiction there's more going on during abstinence than a mere build up of sexual frustration. Indeed as they recover, many former users find that their libido becomes far more balanced, and cravings are *reduced* as they heal - even as sensitivity to pleasure increases. True pleasure requires a degree of sensitivity to dopamine that can be missing in the depths of addiction. In short, their brains are actually changing in fundamental ways.

That said, unaddicted lovers may also be able to learn some new tricks in terms of making lovemaking more satisfying. See


OK then, your explanation is welcomed. If someone hasn't experienced any sexual release for a period mentioned in the confessions of guys in your article and feels a strong desire for it (maybe to the point that these thoughts come to his/her mind really often) and no other information is provided (f.e. about his/her porn or sexual habits), how do you know whether it is a healthy “urge to merge“, an ordinary manifestation of sexual frustration, craving or in other words – a sign of addiction?


There's not a simple answer to that without conducting brain scans, but guys definitely describe a difference between these two feelings (cravings and healthy libido). Cravings are blind impulses that lead to "autopilot" behavior. If you're an addict they also lead you directly to your addiction, not to the desire for intimacy with another. This has to do with the fact that your brain has developed special sensitized pathways relating to your addiction. These become the same time that your normal pleasure response to standard sexual cues is often "dialed down." Please read this post to understand this: "Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner?"

Not surprisingly, one of the most common indicators porn addicts report as they heal is that their desire shifts from wanting to fap to wanting to pursue a real partner. They say things like, "I saw a hot girl today and I actually had an urge to bone her instead of just wanting to go home and fap to her image - and find others like her." And even when they reintroduce masturbation into their lives they find it much more "optional," pleasurable and satisfying.

But in some ways, I like your description better.