Nothing really spectacular today, yesterday, or monday really. But I wanted to come one here just to note that I truly feel like I am rising out of this flatline quicker and quicker.
Ever since MO on sunday night with my first full blown hard on with minimal stimulation, no fantasy and surprising endurance to orgasm, I have been feeling a bit more energized and horny. Clear headed, no chaser, it's safe to say I am on the upswing. I feel ominous slightly, because I am aware I was just in flatline for the better part of 80 days and I could easily have another one. But with signs of life and vigor downstairs, I remain positive as day 1, if not more.
I also have to note that when I see suggestive material (expilicit photos, expilicit movie scenes, anything sexual) I react WAY less to it. I still force it out of my head, but it's almost way to easy to shrug off now. Not even really fazed by it. I take this as a tell tale sign of unwiring. Have i rewired/rewiring? Tomorrow is when I will get that answer. My lady is coming over and I promised her a night of intimacy basically. No goal. I just told her I feel much more confident in my recovery and that I felt her slipping through the cracks the past couple weeks and I want to just make her feel good. See where that takes me.
I don't have a raging libido, consistent spontaneous erections (1 to note), consistent morning wood ( about 50% of the nights), wet dreams, or any of that really. I just feel what I can describe as a positive charge deep inside me. Almost like the gravity I was describing a few posts ago. Just a natural energy that harnesses desire basically. Not to look at something, but to feel something (not my hand). A very intriguing feeling. This is libido. Will it get even better? We will see. But after 80 days of patience and frustration, god damn, I am certainly breaking through the long drought of no improvements whatsoever.
I feel my reboot is about a month off from being complete, but I don't want to dwell too hard on that. Just moving forward and reaping the benefits as they come.
My advice to all: It does not matter how long this takes, all that you need to do is:
A. do NOT watch porn whatever it takes. a GLANCE at a couple nude pics here and there, you can get away with that.
B. TRY not to MO. It does slow the process, but if done under the right circumstances (NEED for release, no fantasy, no P, or external stimuli), it may actually be beneficial and a good mark for progress.
C. Avoid as many screens as possible, they provide triggers and are overstimulating in general. But I pretty much didn't avoid anything but facebook for a little while and I am still seeing improvements. (Note that I didn't get ANY improvements til day 75-80. hint hint.)
D. Sexting. This may not be a problem for you, but it was for me. I had a girl that was relentless to keep in touch and would basically verbally fuck me via text. I would play along, she would send pics in the midst of it and it led to MO both times. both of them about 30 days apart. first time quick and erectionless. second time, 100% erection 5-10 mins.
If these are the ONLY things you follow I personally guarantee you will recover regardless of the severity of your addiction. I started PMO at about 12 or 13 before sex and it was very frequent, ED with first encounters spiral down and yada yada you know the drill.
Long post for nothing to post about but I was feeling optimistic and wanted to spread it to all of you, for it was the optimism on this site that fueled my fire. Thank you all. I will check in Friday and let you know if willy finally gives me the green light.