going on 8 months...

Submitted by riselikethephoenix09 on
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So much to post about but I have little to say..

So about april i was at my peak of my reboot. I thought that the next encounter with a female would be a successful one. unfortunately i was wrong.

At the end of april I got frisky with this girl and she gave me a full body massage with this lube I got. I was a little nervous but nothing unusual. Touch felt great but the more she moved up my legs and teased my..stuff.. i felt excited mentally, aroused even, but unresponsive.
She flips me over and grinds her naked body over me and and i can tell she's like, "Am I not sexy or something?". so she lubes me up and starts to jerk me and i am totally relaxed and in bliss but...limp. I bust in about 30 seconds but it was amazing. I wasn't hard til I came. I left her place slightly worried and embarrassed. It had been 5 months and still ed. As for the mental, I felt aroused, but without the erection it was more of an empty feeling. Like seein tits on hbo. That's how I knew I STILL wasn't rebooted. I waited about another month and ended up masturbating. And then two weeks, then one week. So by june I had MO'd 3 times. All to sensation. I kept truckin not thinkin about it, trying to interact with girls, which are hard to come by at this time for some reason. Now today, I come back after 3 months of no posting to tell you I fully relapsed 3 times today. PMO. Ashamed? Yup. It's been 7 full months with out a single glance at porn and I caved 3 times in 4 hours. Not to mention I've been on a spree of MO the past 7 days and today must have been the mother of all chasers. Porn crept in. The thing is, everytime I MO'd to sensation the past 7 days, I was able to reach a full erection, at least 90%.

To keep from ranting, I guess the moral of this post is to say I made it 7 full months with no porn and I am ok with that. As opposed to my 8 years of everyday twice a day madness. My goal is to meet a new girl and rewire my brain because I think I didn't get enough contact with my ex-fuck buddy that I never fucked (get the inuendo?). Maybe hit her up again. I just want my mojo back and to see that light at the end of the tunnel again. I'm goin to vegas in 2 weeks and I'd really like a functioning dick to go along with my swagger.

Back on the wagon. Reboot Round II.


What Marnia said

I definitely think you just needed more time to adjust and be comfortable sexually. I think you should go for a girlfriend who you can take it slowly with. And don't worry about the relapse it seems a lot of people here relapsed some time this past week.(Something in the air!) Definitely get back on the grind sooner than later though. None of that one more day stuff.

what if...

you looked at this fucking situation a bit differently. What if it was part of the process like rebooting, and you don't expect to have a woman stimulate you and everything just works the way you imagine it should?

Rebooting seems like it should just be enough but it isn't as you yourself point out. Rewiring the brain takes time. It is really very pleasurable to go to bed with a woman and not have any agenda, any pressure at all. Then you can enjoy what you are doing and not be working towards something such as erections of a certain hardness or orgasm. It is in those enjoyable times that good things just keep happening and there is no way to lose!

Can you set up that scenario for yourself? That is so much fun, so wonderful! And so good for you and her.