With finals finally over, I have the time and the space for a detox. It's been a long time since seriously staying away from the PMO, but I sure miss clarity and all of that. Today I did not PMO. This was the first day in a while. Didn't even think much of it either. Went on a date with a girl that I met in class and enjoyed her company and she seemed to enjoy mine, so that took the edge off. My car broke down (during the date in the middle of the street downtown during rush hour traffic) and we had to get towed. It was stressful, but I maintained composure, didnt get embarrased, and she was patient and collected as well. That was a good test. She's a Christian, so I don't know if that would ever work out, but so far she doesn't seem weird about things, so I will give her a chance.
My internal state wasn't great today, I could feel the shame and low self-esteem and that whole mess welling up. I'll need to keep doing what works so I will get back into an exercise routine, watch my diet, stay away from Pmo, and stay serious about work and school. With my car breaking down and some time off, maybe I can slow things down for a second and get things in order. More walking to the store will get me out of the house and engaged in the world too.