Staying stressed/busy and maintaining

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Submitted by Rockhardington on
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I haven't been blogging much lately because I haven't had very much time. I miss the clarity of expressing my thoughts.

I am in a bit of a withdrawal. I engaged in a side experiment for a while with supplements and POIS. It was interesting. I'll have to share what I've learned about this in the future. Luckily, I've had the chance to explore related concepts here in my program and applying them at my work. It's fun! Having this paradigm allows for a lot of applications in this field.

My main focus has been all work and school, but mostly work. It's been harder in withdrawal mode, but things are still happening. I'm moving with a giant rock tied around me, but I'm still moving:)

Still dating the two women. One is sweet and one is sexy and I'm not allowed to combine them together, so the moral dilemma persists. I'll take a week off of orgasm every once in a while, but when sex is available and I am stressed, it seems like a good idea. I've also been deepening a male friendship as well and that is going well. We have fun together and there is no weird tension or competitiveness. He is a very social person and it is encouraging me to be social and active, which I like. I needed this for a while.

Can't wait for things to calm, it's been a rough semester.


You sound pretty balanced

You sound pretty balanced compared to rockier times.

The elusive better can be a slave driver.

Two women can exhaust many men. That's not meant to be a judgment.

Maybe the rock gets smaller if you keep dragging it. Oh, how I should listen to myself (and many others).

much to be said

for a deep male friendship. I have a few close friends and I find that a lot of men do not. I consider myself very lucky. I think men often don't make an investment in friends and just passively wait for someone to initiate a friendship. It's nice you consider that important enough to work on in your life.

Are you avoiding PMO?

emerson wrote:

[quote=emerson]I think men often don't make an investment in friends and just passively wait for someone to initiate a friendship.[/quote]

You think this is a men's issue? I find that while I make investments I'm not inspired by many people to heavily invest. I've done more investing lately in female friendships where things go unreciprocated.

Do women out there feel similarly about their female/male friendships?

Passivity seems human because it has higher entropy.

It's worth exploring. Your

It's worth exploring. Your relationships to women improve from taking the time to be with men. It can help ground you out. Its tough though, a lot of guys in our culture are a little funny. I guess bitchy is a good word. They can be competitive in a bad way, unsupportive, backhanded, inconsistent, jealous, conniving, and insecure. Find loyal guys. Older guys are generally more integrated and comfortable with themselves, so you might find better qualities in dudes who have been through a lot already. It can just as much effort learning to be comfortable around men as it does being around women, but if you hang around the right guys, you will learn to trust people in a healthier way. Plus, the qualities of integrated men will help you to become comfortable with women, almost effortlessly. Having male friends is more important than female friends while recovering from some of these issues I feel.

What exactly do we mean by

What exactly do we mean by relationships with men? I've spent plenty time in my life with relationships only with men. I'm comfortable around men, perhaps more so than around women. How is more male bonding time distinct from more human bonding time?

Older people in general can be easier to deal with. I might try dating slightly older women just to see how that goes.

It's generally a good

It's generally a good approach for recovering addicts to increase their contact with safe people. Men are a good starting point for a lot of addicts and are preferable to women because women can trigger some things in a man if the man is not prepared. This is not a hard and fast rule or anything, it's just my default stance in regards to sex addicts dealing with people. I know for myself, I have had difficulty in the past establishing and maintaining male friendships and some of those problems came into perspective when I read no more mr nice guy.

I personally get a lot more out of it now. Especially when I seek out the company of guys that are confident with themselves and are moving forward with their personal lives and seem to be able to put things into balance. It's very easy for me to make friends who are girls, but it's been challenging to make friends who are guys. But this is changing as I become less of a weiner.

I can see it helping. Perhaps

I can see it helping. Perhaps people need most what they have had the least of. A lot of men seem to have major sexual triggers with women that get in the way. It happens to me to a limited extent. I enjoy not acting on and moving through that. It leads to interesting places. And it also is about the women. Foreign women might be more comfortable with casual touch without things sexualizing. It seems nurturing.

It tried a men's group that is just too far. My week things were more haphazard. I found my place in life very different than these older men. That wasn't so bad. I also found that their own self-stereotyping of men might not be so great. I'd rather be around no men than men that will reinforce the model I'm trying to shake from my being. Emotional opening men doesn't mean the men are evolved. Have you observed any of that?

Maybe when I get some solid female friends, I'll seek out more men. Or by then I'll have no more energy.

No doubt, easing my way into

No doubt, easing my way into dating (both the foolhardy attempts and the genuine attempts) have been extremely important in developing. But somehow that seems a lot easier and has become more natural (and has even been absorbed into my problem to some extent) than finding nourishing male friendships.

Haha, yes that stereotype thing is present. It's like born-agains, they go overboard a bit. That's natural when creating a new identity. I have been guilty of that too, but am starting to gain some calibration.

An interesting thought about avoiding men that reinforce undesirable models- women can do it to men too. If you think of people as molds (not the fungi) people with certain characteristics and qualities are drawn to and reinforce certain models.

A lot of these guys in these groups have been "molded" for years by poor relationships and now they are a mess.

If its females you have been lacking, then by all means- less sausage in your life!

Yes, he seems to be

Yes, he seems to be benefiting from the friendship as well. Over time Ive just noticed that when I pay attention to deepening relationships with men and get along with them, then I do a lot better. Isolating has been my problem for a while. Isolating with a girl and in a relationship has been my MO for a while too. Family helps to get out of that state too. Maybe Ill put a little more time into that too.

I go for a second without PMO. I've been without it for 3 days now. My relapses are involving dysfunctional relationships right now. When I want a hit, I make plans to hang out with a girl. I really want to be free from this behavior too. Im brainstorming right now and should probably check into some SLAA meetings, but Ive been slammed with work/school/ and managing my withdrawal states.

Somehow maintaining.

Somehow maintaining. Spending a good bit of time with forum girl. She is good company but I find myself longing for other women. It's hard because she is doing all the right things, but I find myself thinking about other women. I am intrigued by this girl I went to school with and we are emailing a lot. I like forum girls company, its sane, but I want that rocket fuel.

The supplements are helping with the withdrawals and POIS. Megadoses of vitamin c have been helping a lot. Especially with the energy. The only bad thing Is that my body is less sensitive to bad food and I'm able to tolerate it. I still go through the ups and downs during withdrawal, but I'm feeling better overall and can function. This is a good discovery because I do not use coffee and I need something to keep my levels up while I am working and studying.
I'm on a whole host of other supplements, but vitamin c seems to be the one I notice immediate effects from.

I felt lonely tonight even though I spent the weekend with forun girl and family. It's probably a mental dip from stress and the cycle.

Despite having had a rough

Despite having had a rough week as far as withdrawal symptoms, I'm feeling pretty enthusiastic about things. My mood fluctuates, but I've been in the habit of taking care of whatever I need to take care of. I am not thriving as I have in the past, I'm not experiencing the great states, but I'm moving forward and am able to hold it together for my career and school. Haha, I sound like a functional alcoholic! Im still applying what I know, and I'll keep abstaining from orgasm when I can, but I feel like I am wrestling with a different animal than I was a year or two ago. I'm enjoying better friendships, more energy, better quality even though not optimal. I am definitely not satisfied in the relationship realm, and this has to do with my addiction and my willingness to exchange my company for some vagina, but I've definitely been in more dysfunctional relationships. I must be taking the escalator instead of the elevator.

At least you're not the same

At least you're not the same animal...stagnation sucks.

How would things change for you if you reframed that to be exchanging penis for female company? Or detaching things to be company for company and sex for sex? Or got holostic and exchanged humanness? Or eliminated exchange entirely and just gave or received? See what each combination you can concoct might mean for you.

Escalators offer a better view. You can always walk up too if the ride is too slow.

I haven't gone a week in a

I haven't gone a week in a while! I've felt raw, but I feel more stable. One thing that is motivating me not to give in is finals. I want to operate at my best for work/school right now and I know that abstaining will help.

Met with a male friend for a while tonight for a drink. I needed to get out and this wasn't too triggering. A little more eye contact with people in general so this is encouraging. I started having some cravings and I wanted to call up someone to have sex, but I kept focused on homework. I think meeting with my friend helped too and gave me some company.

Despite doing better, I've been a little absent-minded, but I think it's from the stress of finals. And i had my identity stolen for income tax refund fraud. Also lost my lab notebook for the semester for a chem class. All stressful events, but im trying my best to deal with everything. The vitamins are helping a lot I'm finding. I've always underestimated vitamin C, but after trying massive amounts and keeping my blood soaked in it, I feel a difference. I'm trying some other supplements too, but I feel the difference with that the most.

Overall, I am feeling more positive. I want more clarity of the big picture, which is something I lack when I am affected by my addiction. I'm mildly depressed, but its better than before.

Argh, had sex with someone

Argh, had sex with someone and back to the cycle. I was starting to feel some good and stable feelings too. I've been on a good run with schoolwork this week, and talking to women. I think all the activity and staying busy w/o stressing is doing me well. I'm feeling up despite feeling the downs. My perception and personality are off, but I'm still able to get stuff done. It's invigorating, but I miss the calm. I had a small taste of that last week and can't wait to have a little more. Fall and keep trying, but always moving ahead.

Hey Rock, long time no see. I

Hey Rock, long time no see. I haven't been on here myself lately. Sucks about the identity theft, I had that happen a few years ago, it was a nightmare. What supplements are you taking? I'm always interested in finding out what works for some people.

Good to see you too.

Good to see you too.

Since finals, that's all I've been concentrating on. Need to get back to the gym. Missing the recreation.

The supplements that I have been trying:
megadoses of vitamin C spread throughout the day
N-acetyl l-cysteine
Vitamin D
Trace minerals
Essential amino acids from powder or pill
And one other antioxidant that is similar to vitamin C

I feel better and have more energy. I can't pin it on any one supplement, but when I take out vitamin c I feel a difference. Co-workers also tell me that I look healthy and ask me what I'm doing different. My levels of stress are way down. I usually flip out if I'm in the cycle and have finals. It's doing something for me. I'm also able to tolerate sugar and carbs without the nasty withdrawals. I still get withdrawals from the effects of dopamine, I abuse myself at times with my binge behavior, but I have the energy to get through the day.

Not sure why I started taking a bunch of stuff. I always considered supplements as money makers for snake oil salesmen. I started reading some science behind some of them and it theoretically made sense.

What are you seeing effects with?

Without the bonding, won't

Without the bonding, won't you just find another sex outlet and repeat the cycle? Maybe slam on the brakes and fight through the no sex or no orgasm relationship waves to learn what you can. What's a stake for trying?

This next withdrawal is going

This next withdrawal is going to be nasty. I've been putting it off until I get through finals, which is in another 5 days. It's going to be nasty, no way around it. I've been pumping up my dopamine any which way just to avoid withdrawals. Caffeine, sugar, PMO, intense everything. I've been functioning though. I'm not having a good time, but I'm doing well on my finals and have received recognition for recent achievements from the faculty. I've resorted temporarily back to my effective compulsive get stuff done through compulsion addict. It worked in the past, until it wasn't sustainable. This is not sustainable either, but I am having to select my withdrawal times. Next week is much better for that when I have the week off from work and school. I can't wait. I feel like since my big relapse several months ago, I've been in a haze. I want some sanity and clarity very badly. The stress hasn't helped, but I have a chance to have less stressors for the next month. Can't wait. Time to clean house, but not looking forward at all to that. Am looking forward to the clarity?

Another day or two more of

Another day or two more of finals and then I can start the withdrawal process. I keep avoiding withdrawals just to get through. I dont know if thats a good strategy, but I do know one thing for certain- if I start the withdrawals, Im out of commission for two days. I just cannot do that right now. I need some cohesion to get through. I have been straight abusing myself. Ive reached a sort of steadiness and Im maintaining, but it is not at all pleasant. I also need to end things with Forun girl. This has dragged on way too long and its been hard to initiate the break up when I am so deep in my garbage. I have felt about 5% me lately, foggy, scattered, dark. I dislike this state! While my personal life is on the backburner and a bit of chaos, my academic life is shining. I just need everything to be in sync. im good at obsessing and focusing on one thing, Im an addict, thats easy, Ill excel at one given task, it feels like Im on aderall half the time. But as far as living a well-rounded and effective life, thats something thats always been challenging. Ill keep trying, and it will start next week by taking the garbage junk out of my routine and experiencing the wild withdrawal and dramatic break up. I do not look forward to all of that.