It's been a while since I've posted, mostly because I have been busy. Busy is good because it means less trouble! But there is always time for trouble too. I dipped back into my old habits for a while, and, like always, it was painful. But I am on the upswing again and trying to keep focused. What a world of difference between how I feel when I am in the thick of my addiction and when I have some freedom from it. It's way too easy to forget.
This summer has been challenging, but will make it through. I am feeling some stress for finals this week, but am prepared. Of course, my trusty old technique of getting through finals: no O! It's been nearly 3 weeks since my last O and I have been attending SLAA meetings here and there. My relationship with my fiance remains good. She is far away, so we skype, but we support each other in any way we can. It's a good time to focus on my sobriety and school anyhow. It's possible I could be going to Burma to stay with her over the Winter holidays.
My withdrawals were pretty hefty this time around. It had been a while since I cut out cold turkey. I will say that the emotional withdrawals are always the worst for me anyways. I was at work, and I could say no right thing. My lack of confidence made me weak, I said the wrong things to my supervisor, it was a mess. I've been performing better in my work lately, so maybe that will help, but it has been a pretty nasty couple of weeks as far as dealing with people. But there is no convenient time for this and I must be out in the open, exposed and all. It is certainly not an option to (hide and recover).
But something remarkable has happened this summer as well. My physical withdrawals used to be like clockwork with my recovery. I would have migraines to the point where it would interfere with my work/school. I saw a doctor a while back and she gave me a prescription, but I didn't take it, I just kept it around. Well, at the start of the summer, just after finals, I was expecting an enormous migraine and sure enough it came. Then a few weeks later, it did it again, right when I was dealing with some things related to my thesis and applications to a program. So I did some research into migraines and found that very low daily doses of this medicine that I was prescribed a while back was effective in preventing migraines. So I started taking my medicine and since, nearly 2 months ago, I have not had a migraine, even during the withdrawals. This has been a tremendous asset for me trying to get work done. Before, I would expect 3-4 days of not being able to perform. If this happens 2 times a month, there is a big problem as far as performance is concerned! I couldn't function like that any longer. I wish I had followed the doctor's prescription when she gave it to me a couple of years ago, but sometimes we do not make these connections until much later.