im in my 80 day of rebooting , i feel good but i also feel like smth is missing. i just know i have to keep doing this but im asking more and more often why am i doing this?! (or more like "is it worth it?")
even after 80 day im still staying all day long in my room , in front of my computer , having 0 friends , altough a part of me wants to go outside , to make friends , gf but the other side keeps saying me i wont be able to do those things , im messed up ,i just cant get over this anxiety , fear of new ppl, and i keep sending everyone who wants to be friends with me ,away.
im thinking my problem was not entirely the P and M things ,i must have some other serious problems in my brain . as far as i remember i wasnt like that before P-M , but i guess its hard to get back ur life after 7,8 yrs of M , after sending away all friends bcs of M, yea , it cant be all of a sudden back
i want to thank u all, for those stories , i wanted several times to relapse , but reading this site kept me alive since day ~50 , omg , when i said "oke , no more P from now on" i didnt think ill can stay so much without it , i thought somewhere around 20 days , or till the first depression, but here i am 80 days , dunno how much im gonna resist , its so hard sometimes , being depressed , staying in front of a computer all day , alone , huh but i know im better than this ,i can do better than this! ill keep writing here for a while just to remind me how i felt