So, I got into the mindset that I could "manage" my porn and masturbation again...big mistake. Up to my old habits and not feeling very good about myself. As of today I am trying to swear off it again. It should be easier since we are going on vacation Monday, so I hope that can help me build some confidence in the beginning. Here's to (yet) another attempt...
I cyberchatted tonight, and I can't stand myself. I run into people through cyberchatting who are worse than me (sicker hangups) and I just want to run screaming. This world makes me sick, and yet I keep coming back to it, telling myself I'm marginally better than the others, but it's impossible to filter out simply the weirdos from the truly sick. I'm swearing off cyberchat tonight, and I hope all forms of porn next.
I've made it to one week abstaining from porn and masturbation. I've made love to my significant other twice in that time. The first time I noticed increased stamina, though not so much the second time.
I've tried abstaining from PMO, but keep falling back on the same habits. I installed a program on my computer to block all porn sites and even set up an e-mail account of random letters and digits so there would be no possible way for me to change the settings, but then the program literally just stopped working one day, and the floodgates were open. I spent my first bit of money on pornography last week (I had at least managed to go without paying for any porn for most of the year), and was considering spending more before I got a hold of my senses.
In the past six months or so, I managed one month without PMO. I just finished a one week stint, a week in which I had to turn down anniversary sex from my wife because I could not get aroused by anything or anyone. This week I have binged and relapsed badly. I just feel like I don't have the willpower to accomplish this.