Our love making has become really wonderful, but it's been happening in fits and starts. My wife says she will prioritize it, but hasn't really. We've been bonding almost every night, which has helped, but at times [like right now] I feel frustrated because we're not having enough intercourse. I don't know what to do about it.
It's a catch 22 because I'm trying to avoid having any sort of expectations about what happens in any particular encounter; is it 5 minutes of bonding? 20 minutes? Intercourse for 1.5 hours? It's all good. But when it's been a week since we've had intercourse, I find myself trying to engineer the situation for it to occur. She interprets that as me chasing her, which she hates; that only drives her away. If I bring it up (no matter how low key my tone is), it's like I'm pressuring her which is even worse. So I'm not sure how to have a voice in the matter. I find that, no matter how enthusiastically and frequently I engage in the bonding behaviors with her, and even though I enjoy them a lot, a lack of intercourse still accumulates and turns into frustration in me.
We have a child, and we both work. Her work hours are inflexible, and she works too much. Maybe we can make some choices about how to create a more relaxed lifestyle, and we probably need to do that, but that's not going to happen in the short term. I suppose I need to tell her I'm frustrated that she's coming home late and tired every night. That's true for me.
The way it typically goes down is something ilke this. After a long day of work, she comes home, has dinner, we put the kid to bed, then she has more things to get done; unfinished work, bills, laundry, etc. I help with as much as I possibly can - whatever she lets me help with. But there is still a lot to do, and I understand that. But by the time she is free, she's exhausted. And I don't mean tired, like ok, let's lie together and we'll perk up tired, I mean exhausted. We've tried scheduling the sex. But that hasn't worked so well. When the time comes, if she's feeling tired, it just doesn't happen. Then we have a blown sex date which leads to even more feelings of frustration. It's kind of ironic because I know the purpose of scheduling sex is to take the pressure off.
I know this isn't a new story. It's just really frustrating because her job suddenly got more demanding; just at the time when we discovered Karezza! God dammit! We used to be able to watch 2 hours of TV together without thinking about it; as recently as a few months ago. But now, just when we've discovered this amazing thing we *could* be spending our time doing, that time dries up.
Maybe my expectations are too high. Perhaps I should settle for sex 1x / week. I don't want to; not now that we have tasted "the good life". But right now, maybe that's all I can reasonbly expect.