quick post

Submitted by SenorRedGloves on
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Just a quick post here. I don't particularly feel good. I feel now I have serious low self esteem compared to just a few days ago. Also I want discuss something rather serious. Since me stopping PMO and video games (since it affects the brain the sameway as pmo and I consider this another addiction of mine) I have been having very violent intrusive thoughts. Its just me basically being violent, hurting, beating and killing other people. Very disturbing stuff. But these thoughts aren't all day nor do they happen everyday. Its just every few days they come and last about an hour, before I'm back to normal. They accompany anxiety. I'm not actually too concerned about since it doesn't happen very often.

It's tough, today is day 43. I read other's blogs and see how others basically feel like gods at this point. Maybe I'm taking longer because I'm dealing with basically two addictions? My earlier cycles I felt good but not this one. I will trug along though.

Comments

How old are you?

The younger guys often need longer.And mood swings are normal during recovery.

What are you doing to regulate your mood? Exercise is vital for most guys here. Meditation can help too.  Ideas here: ♦Solo Tools

Don't just sit there trying to "white-knuckle" it.

*big hug*

No one is whiteknuckling here

No one is whiteknuckling here. I have been lifting weights 3 times a week since august 2011 and 2 months ago added jogs to the days between weights. 3 days lifting and 3 days running. Exercise 6 times week feels very good though!

I wouldn't worry

Hey RedGloves, I felt the same way at Day 43 too. Everyone is different, every brain is different, every recovery path is different. Let me share what I've discovered: For some of us guys, when we remain unhappy even over long periods of successful abstinence, it could be that there is something else besides the PMO that is bothering us. In my case, by Day 43 I got a clearer head all right--clear enough to see all my other pains and sufferings in excruciating detail! As you know, PMO has this numbing effect on your mood--ask yourself, what is it you are trying to numb out? The answer is very difficult and requires lots of reflection!

In my case, I realized I was unhappy with almost every aspect of my life. PMO was my way of "forgetting" how unhappy I truly was. So, to the extent that I made an effort to change the things I was unhappy with, my PMO urges lessened and my mood gradually improved. You mentioned you have a 2nd addiction; that could very well be the cause of your pain, especially if you haven't dealt with it yet.

Don't worry about the violent thoughts; it doesn't mean you are a violent person, it's just random thoughts, part of the withdrawal. It's okay to let them come and pass over you. That's what I do, and (externally) I am the least violent person I know.