Scheduled Masturbation

Submitted by singersewing on
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So, as many of you know, I'm in the window of failure. What I mean is, I'm at the point in my streak where I'm most likely to fail. Last time I PMOed at 29 days, time before that it was 34 days no P, 29 no MO.

So, today I masturbated to sensation only. Oed too. I did it because I wanted to, really bad. Marnia mentioned in one of my posts that a scheduled masturbation schedule is helpful for some people. I am not one of those people.

After I did it, I thought "hey, you can do this at a scheduled basis to relieve some of the tension that comes with being on the no P wagon." Then I came to my senses and realized that the fall of great civilizations begin with tiny compromises. So, no compromises.

Scheduled masturbation is not for me. It was like my lifeforce was drained. Even though no porn or fantasy was involved, my anxiety went up and I had this pressure in my chest that I really can't describe. So, scheduled masturbation is a NOGO for singer.

Also, I keep forgetting how disgusting semen smells.

Comments

A few thoughts

Lol @ your last line :D

All I have to say is breaking any addiction is rarely a linear process (just like 'everyone' says). As long as you keep learning from your mistakes: that's progress! Maybe not as much progress as we would sometimes like, obviously never relapsing is the best-case scenario but nowhere near the most common one.

Secondly I think you should try to stay very aware of that anxiety you felt after you Oed. With addictions it's very common the addictive substance or behaviour is used to relieve anxiety/sadness etc - don't let it pull you back through this backdoor. Feeling anxiety over relapsing (however: you didn't watch P so in reality it's not as bad as you might feel) is a totally natural reaction for you. Healthy too, if you see it for what it is: a reminder not to do it again. Both the anxiety and cravings will pass - you just have to give them time to (it's always darkest before dawn etcetc).