Self pleasuring versus edging. Where is the line / what are the consequences

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Having come across Karezza through practicing semen retention and related internet searches I have a few questions around solo practice which I hope the members here can shed some light on. Pre-discovering this site and the Cupid book I was in the habit of attempting ejaculatory control through self-pleasuring to a point, maybe trying to get to 7/8 on a scale of 10 with 10 being the point of no return. I had not attempted to go without orgasm for any longer than two weeks on this regime. I found this to be a very pleasurable practice with no noticeable side-effects and was very much enjoying acquainting myself anew with my penis and sexuality generally, and the two-weekly or so release was immensely enjoyable.
Cue reading Cupid's Arrow and I started prolonging the period between orgasm and am now up in my 7th week of no orgasm.

Now, things are beginning to get interesting. I am married and have been trying to introduce Karezza to the relationship. This has been sporadic at best (we both often work 12 hour days and with occasional travel means this takes the back seat. Sad, I know and at the moment we have just stepped back from it until we feel we can give the Exchanges a consistent run)..

Now the interesting bit, I have maintained my self-pleasuring practice, taking my self to maybe 8 on the scale and then pausing when I begin to feel things happening down there like the odd spasm or the feeling like i am "loading up" ready to go. I then let things subside for a bit and then bring it back up to the 7/8 level and cycle like that for a bit until I sense that the time between the the peaks are becoming too short and then I stop on the basis that ejaculation would be inevitable were I to continue. I find this really enjoyable, feel that for perhaps the first time ever I am really getting to know my penis and sexual response, I also like the way the energy revs up as I reach peak and enjoy keeping in touch with that and moving it around for hours afterwards.

Now the scary bit. I have been observing myself and, as my period of no orgasm goes on I find I am in quite the strangest mood I have ever experienced. I am super-sensitive to any perceived threat or put-down, paranoid as hell and whining like mad at the lack of affection / understanding / symapathy / you name it from my other half. This has all really just manifested from I would say week 5 - now of no orgasm. It is intriguing to watch but quite scary.

I kind of know that this has something to do with my self-pleasuring practice and suspect that I have backed myself into the corner of getting the worst of all worlds - no release but just doing enough to get those neurochemicals fired up.

So (and sorry fro rambling), my question to the members is - has anyone experienced similar? And if there is a line between "safe" and "unsafe" self-pleasuring where is that exactly? How do you work around that and how far do you allow yourself to go?

Any insight welcome and thanks in advance.



Maybe I don't understand

but it sounds like you're experiencing some not-unusual withdrawal symptoms, which may have little to do with your edging. Stopping orgasm can be a big adjustment. Check out this page: What does withdrawal from porn addiction look like? | Your Brain On Porn Some of it might be relevant if you were orgasming frequently.

On the other hand, going close to the edge and staying there for hours can risk its own imbalances: What if I masturbate (edge) or watch porn without orgasm? | Your Brain On Porn

You didn't say if you're fantasizing or watching porn, or neither, during your edging sessions, but if you are, consider this: Sexual Fantasy: The More You Scratch the More You Itch | Your Brain On Porn You could be increasing your feelings of dissatisfaction at other times.

Sorry I can't be more specific, but this is the kind of detective work you really have to do on your own, as each brain is a bit different.

Meanwhile, you can't go wrong with daily non-goal-oriented affection. Very good for speeding the return to balance: The Lazy Way to Stay in Love | Your Brain On Porn



Thanks for your reply and the

Thanks for your reply and the links. I have never been a big user of porn and of late have been cultivating a more mindfulness-based approach to self-pleasuring rather than getting lost in fantasy.
I guess my question is more mechanical - at what point does self-pleasuring become edging?
From reading the links you supplied it seems that edging is actually worse than just going all the way to orgasm and be done.
So I think I need to continue as I was but somehow stay lower down the arousal scale / change my mindset further to a more loving / connected rather than sexual?

Most people have to work backwards to figure this out

You ask, "at what point does self-pleasuring become edging?"

If you're feeling anxious, restless or stressed, then you're doing too much of it. Only you can answer that. No one else can.

What about just engaging in sex with your partner for a month or two, and then see if you want to go back to edging?

I believe that solo

I believe that solo cultivation, "karezza style" is best utilized as a practice for developing self control when practicing karezza with a partner. When first starting out it is often difficult to avoid orgasm/ejaculation. Practicing by oneself allows a guy to get the feel of managing arousal and orgasm response without the added energy and movement of a partner.

To me, building and exchanging sexual charge between two people has a kind of flow that caresses and norishes both partners. I believe that building up and then cooling down, over and over, like you're talking about does not lead to balanced sexual energy and runs the risk of a kind of "over charge" with no outlet. Thats why I think its best combined solo cultivation along with with a partner who wants to practice karezza.

Just my thoughts

Thanks Darryl, that makes

Thanks Darryl, that makes sense. Perhaps the roller-coaster emotions are to do with that unbalanced over-charge looking for an outlet. With a partner is much preferable to solo cultivation but learning oneself to control is difficult with a partner as being with a partner has its own trajectory to conclusion at the moment.
So the management of the arousal response is a big part of self-pleasuring for me - it's just knowing how far up the curve to go before it tips over into being edging which, based on the links in Marnia's post is definitely not the place to go.