Day 57

Submitted by slowstudy1 on
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One thing I noticed recently is that I enjoy taking showers these days. I like my body more than I did when I was indulging in pmo. I haven't turned into a greek god or anything like that but I'm no longer ashamed of who I am physically and sexually. A shower these days is not a hurried, "must do quickly" sort of thing like sex used to be for me, as well. I enjoy the experience much more than when I was masturbating. It makes me look forward to future sex because that's how I imagine it will/could be, slow, luxurious, tender.

I've also noticed that I'm taking more care in how I dress and look. I pulled five pairs of slacks out of the closet last night to take to the tailor. Since my separation from my wife I've lost about 35 lbs. I'm swimming in these pants but have been too lazy to replace them or have them altered. Also, a number of them have become frayed at the cuff and I haven't cared enough to have them repaired. Monday morning they're all going in. I also bought a couple of shirts and sweaters and a new windbreaker. Very uncharacteristic of me. As I mentioned in an earlier blog post I also got porcelin crowns for my two upper front teeth. They were last two teeth in my mouth that didn't have crowns and one of them was turning gray. So I got crowns for both of them. These two teeth are the most noticeable ones in my mouth. I was surprised in a way that I hadn't done anything about this before. All of these things are very different for me. I'm paying attention to things I hadn't been paying attention to before or, at least, in a long time. I'm convinced it's related to my experience in rebalancing and a reawakened sense of self respect. I don't mean to imply that I'm "there" but I do feel that I'm on the road to getting there.