I am back on the wagon. (Fell off due to some rather unfortunate events). I am wary of sexual interaction at the moment, because my partner is a reckless pilot and does not share my values in the bedroom, which has put my safety at risk, (he is um...extremely fertile due to his solo and sexual habits). I am contemplating on telling him I would like to be celibate for a time. This should be easy as our current lifestyles have left us apart a majority of the time. We rarely hang out or sleep next to each other. As different as we both are, we love each other very much. But I have to draw a line as to how much of his sh#* I want on my side of the street. :) And maintain my core values as a person in spite of his lack of enthusiasm for sexual discipline. I really actually don't even feel comfortable being a part of assisting him in "spilling his seed." I remember my initial reaction to him asking me if I could "relieve him." It was a flat out "I'm sorry, I can't do that." I didn't want to. This created an instant tension between us. He resented me. I didn't like it. So from then on, I became more flexible and tolerant, to preserve harmony, and gave up entirely on him ever wanting to cultivate sexual discipline in the name of love, or in the name of anything at all, and became used to conventional sex. (Which as any of you tantranauts know, is a HUGE downgrade when you've become accustomed to QUALITY coitus :) For a while, we coexisted in this way, me retaining my energy, and him cumming each and every time, intentionally. After a while, he wanted me to join him in his compulsive cumming, (possibly to rectify guilt on some level and satisfy the ego). I kept my mind and heart wide open and went with the flow. But then after several crises unfolded, one after the other, I began to lose my way, and my faith in humanity. But I have decided that discarding my ideals would be poor form, and not in my best interests, so I have turned over a fresh leaf, and have renewed my commitment to myself- regardless of his potential reactions. If all he wants is orgasms, he will be fine to suit himself. I want my soul back.