He broke up with me last night

Submitted by Sniff on
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I am sad.

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Even if you won't believe me.

Even if you won't believe me. This is a great chance to become something beautiful. Who he loves or not is none of your business, do you love yourself? You only have one love, which is in you. Grow it. Who should love you if you don't have love in you? I see you are a musician, you can probably make music now like never before. I broke up myself three weeks ago, these are my experiences.

Sorry to read about your

Sorry to read about your break-up. Hopefully you came out of the relationship having learned something from the experience, and perhaps from the other person - something that you can take into your next one. Ultimately we should strive to leave the other person a little better than they were when we found them, no matter whose fault the end was.

Oh Sniff, sigh. My heart goes

Oh Sniff, sigh. My heart goes out to you. I'd welcome you to the singles club, but I know neither of us really want to be there. So I'll welcome you to the "singles-who-really-want-to-and-know-how-to-be-in-loving-healing-relationships-would-rather-still-be-with-our-last-partners-but-can't-so-we-accept-that-and-will-find-new-love-soon-cause-we're-awesome" club.

I am "ok"

I feel that the benefits were one sided. If I have learned anything from him it is that I deserve better, and I should never have to feel unsafe about talking about my feelings.
I have been making lots of music. Did an hour radio show the other day on community radio. It will be a weekly thing, which is cool, because it's a really positive outlet. As far as relationships go, I crave one, but am now more wary than I have ever been in my life. I don't know if I want to let anybody in like that again unless they are on my level from the get go. Which means I will probably have to date men MUCH older than I am accustomed to. Which freaks me out.

As a middle-aged man, it is

As a middle-aged man, it is nice for me to read that you are thinking of dating older men ! Of course, older doesn't always mean wiser, although in general I would say older men are a bit more certain of what they want. I would suggest: look for kindness, wisdom and maturity in men, no matter how old they are. There are wise and mature men of all ages out there.

My newest challenge is not answering if he calls

Fortunately it hasn't happened since the end of last week. I answered of course. (I am an idiot.) Next time though, not answering. I am past the point of feeling sad and pathetic, and at that point where I feel a lot of anger and even hatred toward him. (just being honest.) This hurts me to feel, so transmuting it is key, because I can't ignore it. He really broke my heart so naturally I'm going to hate him for it for a bit. I'm ok with that because I'm not mean to him, I leave him entirely alone.

The fear of intimacy

will fade as you heal.

Older men? Interesting how the porn epidemic in younger guys is driving young women out of their normal mating pastures. I also hear this from the older women looking for partners their age. The guys are all dating younger women...and many of those guys are ending up with second families they can't easily afford.

Sneaky biology + a porn epidemic packs a powerful punch, the scars of which humanity will be feeling for decades to come. Hopefully, the pendulum will swing back as people learn more about what creates more lasting satisfaction than porn. Who knows?

heart salve

I'm sorry. Break ups are the worst. Deaths and physical pain are easier, in a lot of ways, I think.

A wise woman told me that I could get back all the love I had put out there in the world that had not been received. I meditated and opened my heart and reached out into the world looking for the bits of my love that had not been absorbed and were just laying around. I was surprised to find sticky globs. This residue had a texture like soft amber, impossible to brush off. I gathered up handfuls of it and sat, confused. How do I get it off my hands, now? An epiphany! I used it like a salve on my heart, to stick the broken pieces back together. Now I do this each time I go through a break up and it brings me enormous relief each time.

I am enjoying being single. I am planning to write a blog post about it soon. It is such a relief to not be spending countless hours in unfulfilling relationships. I have much better things to do! I've really come to value my time spent alone more than I ever have before.

yeah. We kind of have to.

but I cannot stifle the natural urge to find a mate. I am 27 and the pull is strong to build a healthy foundation with abundant snuggles and laughter and well...intercourse. I like sex, what can I say. A healthy dose of celibacy has never gone unappreciated by me creatively however, but as far as my life values go, intimacy, snuggles, and sexual contact is pretty high up on the totem pole of "important and life enriching things." But maintaining inner strength and sharing my gifts of self cultivated happiness with the world is key in making that happen.