where does oral sex fit in

Submitted by spaceman98 on
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. I met a girl recently and we from the beginning I introduced her to the ideas of the exchanges. We had 10 days together and it went well. She was certainly open minded and willing to try it out. She struggled at times to understand why I experienced "hangovers" after orgasm and for her hadnt always made the connection between relationship disharmony and orgasm., despite that she felt there was something in this worth exploring. She wondered about wether oral sex can be part of the bonding excersies if it is done from a simiilar space as the intercourse, ie slow, gently with stillness. I'm not convinced as it seems to have strong associations with erotic images and part of conventional foreplay but then so can intercourse. interested to hear what other think on this.

Also I dont suppose the book is published in Hebrew by an chance. My partner is from israel and its taking a while for her to read in english?




The oral sex question comes up here often and I really should create an FAQ about it on the Karezza Korner page. The answer is surprisingly complicated. Some lovers here do incorporate oral sex; some find it too arousing. It's puts them back into "dopamine-surging, orgasm-seeking mode," which is counterproductive if you want to feel a lingering sense of satisfaction after lovemaking.

The biggest risk is that you may somewhat defeat one of the goals of karezza...which is to return the brain to full sensitivity so that every nuance of lovemaking becomes heavenly. Not everyone is affected to the same degree by intense stimuli, so this may not be a big risk for you.

But it can be a tough risk to spot. The best analogy is guys who can get off to Internet porn, but discover when they try to have intercourse that normal sexual stimuli don't do it for them. When they unhook from porn, though, many discover that sex and romance begin to sparkle for them. See Guys Who Gave Up Porn: On Sex and Romance. My point? They didn't didn't fully realize the extent to which they were muting their sexual responsiveness until they looked backward after cutting out the more intense stimulation.

So oral sex might be best reserved as a rare treat, lest it interfere with the subtle pleasures of intercourse and leave one of you restless. I know that when oral sex was part of my lovemaking repertoire I began to view my lover as...a giant tongue. Wink That doesn't happen with karezza lovemaking. And I don't miss the oral sex.

Note to other karezzanauts: If you have written comments on oral sex, put a link to them below so I can gather them for the FAQ.

oral sex

I used to love oral sex, both giving and getting. But now, I don't have a strong interest in it anymore. Actually I have minimal interest.

What happened is that it's so amazing to be full skin on skin contact with my honey, with my penis in her vagina, that anything short of that isn't quite as magical. And Karezza intercourse never gets boring or feels boring. It is always amazing. So oral sex doesn't attract all that much. 


[quote=spaceman98]. She

[quote=spaceman98]. She struggled at times to understand why I experienced "hangovers" after orgasm/[

This has happened with EVERY woman I know. They are puzzled that men have hangovers when THEY do not. This is the issue that never gets addressed: my lovers, as women, don't experience a hangover. Au contraire, they feel "refreshed" and invigorated and wonder why I do not.

I doubt women will ever "get it." When they do, they feel sorry for us (which is an appropriate response - if we wer refreshed and invigorated, there would be no or less a need for things like karezza, ejaculatory control, etc.).