Is it possible to practice with an unwilling partner?

Submitted by supersajin on
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Is it possible to practice with an unwilling partner?
Unwilling or non-participatory might be a better word. She views sex for men as get on top bang it out for 10 min, get off and we’re done. She doesn’t orgasm regularly, always had difficulty plus not highly sexual. So for her 30 minp60 min lovemaking is kinda a waste of time. Physically he body responds, mentally she’s telling herself..why is this taking so long.
So, clearly I will be practicing “on her” and not “with her”..can I experience the same level of personal benefits?
Will she eventually “see the light”? Granted I think we are making some progress but I’m not holding my breath.



my experience is early yet but...

...I still see huge benefits in not having orgasms. My partner is not nearly into sex the way I am. She feels she has "no libido". But she has one. It will wake up in due course, I think. It is an adventure figuring all this out.

I just read something interesting about sex drive. Some women say they "have no sex drive" (some men say this too) but once they are having sex they have a sex drive. Their sex drive isn't activated by thoughts or feelings of wanting sex, but it is activated from sex itself, the "hot state" of actually having sex.

My partner will get turned on at times although this hasn't happened too often since we've been doing Karezza. But she decided to follow my lead and not have orgasms either although she's had a few and I've had none since we started this adventure. Still that's pretty darned impressive. And without orgasms she feels that sex doesn't feel like anything and she does this mostly because it's something I want and it's not a big deal.

Still, even with all that, it's been hugely satisfying for me. I can only think that when she wakes up it will become amazing. And I do expect that to happen. I think there are issues far beyond sex here. It's an unraveling of hurts that were built in and perhaps what parents told us (her), and perhaps some pain inflicted by other lovers. These have to come out, work their way out, like layers on an onion. I think that Karezza will let this happen, and is causing this to happen even when it doesn't seem like progress has been made.

And I have to add, after reading what I wrote, perhaps the hurts come from me. Perhaps that the unraveling will involve finding her place sexually separate and apart from me and what I want.


Good to hear i'm not alone!! And I agree there is something in her past (the way she was raised & treated) that does not allow her to open up enought to fully enjoy the bonding with another human being.

Can you practice with a

Can you practice with a unenthusiastic partner?, most definitely. Its your orgasm you are choosing to control, thats your business. I'd say you're not actually practicing WITH your partner at this point as karezza is really two people practicing together, but you starting the process is a good beginning. Will she join you in time? I would almost guarantee it. Karezza style lovemaking is very suited to the feminine way and I think you will find her leaning into, especially if you give her the space to do it by her own timing. You're rocking the boat by intiating a new way to make love. Sometimes partners dont like change, especially in the sexual department. Stay on track and hold that masculine direction and vision.

Can you expect the same level of personal benifits? Most likely not, but thats really OK for now. You have enough on your plate, learning to really master orgasming and ejaculation control. Thats enough to get started with in my opinion. She probably needs to see you mean this and will stick with it. This is a good point of focus for now. Let her decide when your love making session is over, see what she does with that. One step at a time.

Sounds like trouble to me

Sounds like trouble to me dude, deep seeded issues like that usually come with major insecurities/possible self loathing...just my 2 cents though. That's a couple years of therapy for her to get over it and find the root of e problem


Not so sure about the therapy.

What about extending your lovemaking via less actual intercourse (at first) and more other affectionate touch? That way you allow her appetite to build up naturally, without overtaxing her desire.

We've done that

She is a LMT so she loves massages, and doing this b4 sex usually openes her up a lil more than usual. My worry is the time factor. If we had it her way we'd have sex for 5-10 min & be done. Now i'm trying to get 20-30 min & i'm catchin hell! Again, her mouth will say one thing yet her body says something different. I will give it time in hope of us meeting a middle ground