Ok so I thought I'd just put in a brief check-in summary.
Still going strong on the no P. I'm starting to realize when other behaviors mimic looking for porn like rifling through profiles on online dating sites, etc. So I try to keep my viewing of profiles super limited and to focus on written content and writing messages rather than revisiting their photos.
Also 4th day no MO which is good. Not having much morning wood these days, but I have been feeling "that funny feeling in your stomach" when I've thought about this person I'm dating. Which brings me to our second date. It went well. It went about as well as some of my online dates had gone and considering how well the first date with this girl went, it makes me wonder if I really had had excellent dates with other people recently and just didn't realize how good they went because I had no barometer. That could very well be the case, however I'm not all that interested in the online dating right now. I am however very interested in this girl I'm seeing now.
So, the date went well. We met for Korean BBQ over lunch. We both arrived early and so our date began about 20 minutes earlier than we had anticipated. We left and ended the date about an hour and 20 minutes later. I had a great time talking to her and learning more about her. I tried really hard to ask questions and learn more about her than talk about myself, which I did, although I did still focus so much on conversation I barely ate anything, at least in comparison to her. I just don't really eat when people are talking to me because I feel like I'll seem more interested in the food than what they have to say.
Anyway, it was nice talking to her and she had positive reactions when she learned I still live at home and she was sensitive to the fact that I was sensitive about it. I think she's very intuitive and getting a good feel for my personality. I'm kind of a passive personality even though I'm in sales, or at least I'm more passive than most people who have alpha or aggressive personalities even though I'm not sure you could really say that I'm passive in general. So she reacted well to my living at home, my working on my degree, my work situation and all that. She also has on both dates kind of taken charge of directing conversation and where we're going and when to kind of round out the date and "end" it, as well as indicating that she enjoyed her time and wants to do it again. After all though, it did take me like 5+ months to ask her out so I'm sure she realizes I might need a little gentle nudge here and there to get the ball rolling.
So she wants to see a movie again soon. It seems like we're both looking forward to it and things are going well. I'm still keeping my options open with the online dating for a few reasons: I don't want to abandon the women I have had an ongoing conversation with because I've had a couple dates with this girl and I don't know how things are going to turn out with us. They seem like they're going well, and I'm hoping for the best, and perhaps it's just my PIED insecurity showing through but I'm just being cautious. So far there's no indicator that things could or are going to go badly but I haven't had any regular real relationships that were built over time in person as opposed to talking online everyday with someone for a month or two and then meeting in person, so again my perspective may be askew.
I hope this doesn't all sound negative, I feel like it does. Everything is actually going really well with avoiding porn and MO, and as far as I know things with this girl are going smooth and steady. Really, nothing but good stuff to report aside from my feelings of insecurity.
Just wanted to add, I really do like this girl. The thought of her makes me smile, which I feel like I don't do a lot of, or at least in a while. I think that some of my ED issues have stemmed from lack of confidence or just general emotional pain from what has felt like a lot of rejection and emotional baggage related to that from my past. It's strange but everything from our chance meeting at my work, her happening to hit on me so I realized there was attraction there on her part as well, her being available still when I asked her out several months later, her being older and a little more mature and able to accept and deal with some of the issues I deal with on a daily basis health wise, our general compatability of personality, etc.... it all just feels right. I'm not really a person to say that anything is meant to be, and I would feel especially strange saying that about someone after only a 2nd date, but it all just feels right, and for now just "feeling right" is pretty good.