Well I'm not feeling particularly bummed out or setback by my 2 pmo's. I know why it happened... I was feeling confused and frustrated about our 5th date. We saw a movie tonight and the whole thing felt awkward and forced. Last couple days I've been having hocd fears. I think there's just this disconnect between how my body used to react when it was anywhere near the suggestion or idea of girls and sex and how my body is supposed to act as a mature adult, and my not experiencing the natural transition between the two stages. I think that I've also had such rare success in really connecting with someone or feeling like I've had some success or found someone interested in me that I've become attracted to this girl partially because she was interested in me. As time goes on I'm realizing that she's nice and we have a lot in common, but maybe I'm really not all that into her. I have a tendency to make things happen too quickly and I think we saw each other too much in the first week and things may have artificially seemed/felt like there was more there than there actually was.
Logically I know I'm attracted to women because I was initially attracted to women and girls and showed interest in them even at a young age, I remember crushing on them, wanting to date them, being enfatuated in my school years, etc. Unfortunately I can't just talk myself into calming down sometimes.
Either way I think I have a date with someone else coming up and I'm going to go back to my no pmo starting tonight. I'm not going to say I'll never pmo again, but I'm going to shoot for longer than my 35 day record.