Second Date, 8 days no pmo (need date advice too, pleeease)

Submitted by Terminus on
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So, here's just a little update on my progress and dating life.

Last night I had my second date with a woman I've met online. The first date was a little awkward and kind of rocky but overall a positive experience. I hope that's obvious since there was a second date. The second date was much better; both of us were much more relaxed and had an easier time communicating. when there were silences or lulls in conversation it wasn't as awkward or noticeable although it was still a little palpable... at least to me, and conversation was much easier -- I think there was a stronger connection this time and we were able to talk about some topics that were a little less trivial than we did on the first date.

The only things that were of a little concern for me were knowing how things will work out if we remain seeing each other as far as financial responsibility. I don't mean to sound cheap, but I'm a pretty "modern" guy and as part of that I really think it's fair for both partners to share the cost of activities... that said if I'm the person initiating an event and inviting someone to go along, I have no problem paying for both of us. The only reason I'm expressing a little concern is that on the first date she seemed prepared to pay for her drink and this time she seemed to expect it. Again, not an issue yet, but just something that's in the back of my mind.

The other issue was that I found her body language difficult to read. She seemed to open up more at some points than others, and this date started, proceeded, and ended MUCH better than the first one and she appears to be expressing interest BUT her body language is often closed off. I made conscious effort to try to maintain as open body language as I could when we were sitting together on a wicker couch/loveseat in the middle of a square and often she was fidgeting with her hands, had her legs crossed, wasn't looking directly at me while speaking... etc. I'm not sure if she's just nervous or what's going on.

It's reasonable to believe that she's just nervous but if anyone with some greater insight into the mind of women is out there, please give me some advice here. For assistance... here's why I think she may just be nervous but still interested.

Reasons for interest:

Continued contact and conversation
Better second date experience than first experience
She basically already invited me to go somewhere else or proposed the idea at least twice during the date.

Reasons for nervousness:

No "serious" prior relationships
Baseline shy personality?
Might be a little nervous about inter-racial dating
I'm sure there are a myriad of other reasons from prior experiences or who-knows-what that could influence this, but it's purely speculation.

ONE telling thing though, is that she said she tends to get stuck in the friend zone with guys she's interested in. I've NEVER heard a woman say this. This is a problem that I'm always having. I have a strong feeling that this is because she doesn't know how or isn't comfortable being forward or aggressive with affection. I think this is my signal that I need to make the first move because as I said.. I myself tend to get stuck in the friend zone.

Also as far as the PMO is going... it's going well so far. I wouldn't say I'm in a "deadzone" but things are improving a bit, I think. When I first did no PMO, I was still thinking about sex all the time and "testing" by trying to achieve erection and see the strength and sensation. I haven't done that at all this time. Consequently I'm not having as many sleep erections, morning wood, etc. but I think overall this is a good sign because I'm not doing anything that could trigger old habits. I think I just need to stick with it and let the only true stimulus for sexual arousal be my contact with this person I'm dating or anyone else I might date.


Why don't you just ask her

I don't want to get stuck in the "friend zone" either, so let's come up with ideas for avoiding that. Make it fun by suggesting something outrageous (and obviously not serious) to get the conversation started. Could be good for some laughs.