Feeling great masterbated just plain Jane again yesterday, orgasm wasn't as good but I felt relieved after. Ive been m once a week but I would rather not even masterbate and don't know if I will again, but if I get really horny and pent up my brain starts to use any triggers to get me to look at porn. So I'd rather m and get it out of the way than look at porn. It's like my brain knows that It can almost guarantee release if I look at porn. But I REFUSE to strengthen those old pathways.
Been getting boners by just glancing at women while driving by, mood is great, I feel normal. Something that I haven't felt in a long time. That is all
Today I decided to masterbate, the right way. It was either that or spiral into porn relapse or bad decisions with girls i am not interested in, just to bust a nut. I contemplated HEAVILY but there was this tension that had to be released, I was so worked up I couldn't even go outside or make a decision.
Bad day badddddd day, stumbled upon porn for the first time in a very long time did not m to it almost did. Edged you could say. Then scouted Craigslist for casual encounters but those are all scams and thats where the naked chIcks were introduced, and i hit up ex chicks I'm not even interested in but the need to bust a nut is so high right now. I'm so sick of being alone and so sick of not being able to change that situation. Thinking about just leaving, disappear for awhile.
Just came so close to pmo'ing ugh my body is screaming for release time to walk myself back down the cliff. Edging is my addicts brain's perfect rationalization
Update: 2 hours later
I have now realized that it is time for female contact. Whatever means necessary. I feel like I'm going crazy. Craigslist adds for casual encounters ex chicks are all getting hit up. I can not handle this anymore
Last night I think I had three wet dreams and in my dreams it felt like I was going to cum the whole night. This is very frustrating today when i wake up and am unbearably horny all day. My brain is trying to throw all sorts of triggers at me and right now I'm fighting off urges to m , my Wang just is like radiating heat and is so friggen sensitive. That's great because when I was watching porn my dick felt like a pile of bricks. I'm feeling very OCD today as well, which sucks.
Ok so day 64 and the friggen question of the day isssss I put 64 days of hard work in and where is the pay off for me even doing this.... Why worry about not getting boners with chicks if it ain't happening anywase!
Hey everyone, been awhile hope you all had great holidays! Crazy to think I'm at day 59 without porn and masterbating to it. I can't believe I used to watch that stuff there are so many attractive women out walking around anywase! Well my new years was awful! Ha! But I have been feeling great and very confident. I would be outside right now on this gorgeous day but I'm sick :( lame!
I want to share with you guys some new years resolutions I've made and see what you all think
1) maximum one hour Internet daily
2) Facebook is a once weekly thing, it just kills time
Hello all been a little while since I blogged and I must say I've been having a good week. Funny how that corresponds with me having the most socialization this past week then I've had in a long time. I was sick of feeling like crap so I decided to get out of the house, no more Facebook or Internet late into the night, and just go hang with my friends.
Its so funny the first few weeks felt incredible. I found the cure for what has been ailing me the past four years, it was amazing. Then my brain started freaking out and I woke up drenched in sweat a couple of nights in a row and had major insomnia and now it's been a struggle ever since.