Does Karezza heal aversion to arousal?

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Submitted by thegentlevegan on
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I have had issues with arousal since the day I began being sexually active, ten years ago. Having slower sex has helped me achieve having orgasms- ironically- but now I realize I don't even want them because of the emotional side effects related. So Karezza is the current path, regardless..

I used to think I had sexual aversion. But i'm not disgusted by sex, it's more that I can be turned on physically and not feel or allow myself* to feel anything emotionally. I've never been sexually abused by others, or raped, but I probably have had negative attitudes to myself about my abilities regarding sex. However, my mother used to inappropriately tell me about her and my dad"s sex life and also would tell me about how my boyfriends should bring me to an orgasm- when I was 15! ..I know.. wtf

So I think in general, I have a lot of disgust regarding arousal. My current partner and every other partner I have been with has felt like they cannot arouse me even when I want to be aroused and feel connected in the most genuine way, and they have listened to how I want to do things,.. and it's a sore point in my sexual history.

I know the point of karezza is not to get too warm, so my goal is not to get super aroused- my real goal is to feel all of the arousal at the level that I choose to be, because often I want a certain level of arousal and although my body can get there, my heart, my mind, and my emotions cannot. I do not feel engaged when I have sex, regardless of how slow cautious or conscious I try to be. And it's depressing by all means. I want to give up sex altogether most times because if I can't feel anything or get anything out of it emotionally, what is the point?

I often also feel like because I cannot feel during sex, that everything else I do in life is pointless. I feel like everyone focuses on sex, so if I can't do it right, or have any satisfaction with it, how can I say I have achieved a successful life?

I know I should see a sexual therapist probably. But do you think long term Karezza can heal an aversion to arousal? Or help bring trauma to light in regards to me not feeling my own emotions or maybe feeling disgusted by them? I basically want to enjoy sex and I don't regardless of how slow or fast or what kind it is. It's not the type, it's my feelings related to arousal. I think I might have some deep shame about it but it's more a feeling of fear and disgust.. I don't know for sure

Thanks

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Getting your thoughts out where you can see them

is often a good first step. I think karezza helps with lots of things, but healing often calls for a series of approaches, as you make step after step. Keep us posted about your progress.

If you want a sex therapist, I would recommend one from this organization: SASH The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health.

It is not monolithic, and different therapists have different approaches.

Try stuff

I think a lot of people on here talk about Karezza as a cureall. From my point of view I can see why. It's done wonders for me personally, but everbody who says they know what your problem is and says they can fix you is full of it.

You already know yourself better than anyone. You got here because you like the approach and something about it agrees with you. That's why it's probably a good step. But you're still unsatisfied. And you already brought up the solutions yourself: talk about it openly, go see a therapist. Those sound like good next steps to me, so just listen to yourself and do it.

And if that doesn't work, try something else. Life's crazy. Maybe you're happier with an asexual cuddle buddy, maybe you can fake it till you make it, maybe you need a weird and different approach like karezza, maybe there's nothing you can do (it sounds hopeless, but there's solace in accepting who you are). My point is, nobody really knows, people are weird and different and unique and wonderful, and problems are only as big as you make them,

Don't push yourself and just try stuff. Go nuts, buy a dildo, whatever. Mainstream advice isn't mainstream because it's stupid and doesn't work for anybody. You'll, figure it all out eventually, no pressure. Good tidings and good day!