Help- I think my partner's feelings are hurt. Don't know where I am in the wrong

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Submitted by thegentlevegan on
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Hi
So, today we woke up and cuddled, smiled, laughed, and rolled around in bed, although I could tell that he wanted PIV. I was not wet, so I gave that as a rule for myself that he shouldn't be inside-- maybe we could have used lube?-- idk.

I told him I wasn't wet, and he said that he thought I wanted more PIV. I said yes, but only when I'm wet. Again- should I allow more calm PIV with lube rather than waiting?

Next, I suggested, well, maybe we could do calm PIV even though I wasn't wet. So I let him stay outside of me because I was going to let him in slowly. He was laying on top of me, missionary, and then we adjusted to scissors, him still outside of me. I suggested, maybe we could try the position we did the other day, where he stands at the edge of the bed, and I lay down, so that way I can focus on him being inside me and feel his pulsations etc. he seemed like he wanted to still lay down, so I said, but we don't have to do that if you don't want to. He said, we can try it.

So he stood at the edge of the bed, and he leaned into me, but I still didn't want him in me yet. I wanted to have him go in slowly, like a little bit, and then fully, so my non wet vagina could adjust and I could awaken my responsiveness in my vaginal walls easier.

I held the base of his penis with my hand so, I felt, he could be more comforted at his root, while it took time going in. I felt quite a bit when I let just the head of his penis come in.

He asked me why I was holding him, and I said to keep him from moving inside me quickly, which he tends to do sometimes. He lost his erection. He told me, when you're focused so much on controlling, I can't let myself be in the experience because I am conscious of that I am catering to you.

I let him know that I can't have a responsive vagina for him if we do not go slow during entry. I said that I don't have to hold his penis in the future. I told him that I am not sure what he wants and he responded that he is not sure either.

He left the room and then came back and told me that he feels like a little kid and there are a whole bunch of stressful things going on right now, and even the teddy bear that he had- sex- is taken away from him. In general, he is questioning of whether he will ever be happy.

Has anyone had experiences like this?

I have a hard time seeing where I am in the wrong and how I can help.

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Comments

Remember that

his desire to be inside of you is a healthy one. Is it possible that he ended up in a position that wasn't very comfortable for waiting indefinitely?

Probably.

I think we should find more positions that are comfortable but not putting immediate pressure on my body. We know of scissors or the one with the women's leg over the man, so we should experiment more I guess.

I do enjoy him being inside, but I am scared of him thrusting. It makes me feel like I am being used, because I don't get any pleasure from it. Any other women have this issue?

she asks me to enter really slowly

and I do. I lube my penis and go in really slow, sometimes 5 minutes or more to get in, and it's a lot of fun for me. It is just a bit of learning for me, as I didn't used to do this. Now I'm careful. Maybe it's simple as that?

There are a lot of dynamics that change when you introduce this into a relationship...so you can expect it. It's okay. It's a new negotiation, finding a new way together.