My boyfriend was very on with cues of slowing down and laying still and being slow with me tonight. I was also more vocal about my needs and he wanted me to share. There was also some laughter about it, and he found a new position of sitting on his thighs with me laying down and my bottom pulled towards him. It felt very open (like I could breathe and relax). And when I relaxed more into this for several moments, my vagina felt him!! I relaxed almost completely, and he felt it immediately (my vagina relaxing around him). He seemed relaxed by it too. I slowly released into a smile, which means I'm actually fully relaxed. I had the thought "yes" and "I'm with him". I told him I really liked "this" meaning the position and it was really nice. He agreed. And he began to move slowly (leaning towards me) and I felt him move, meaning I felt relaxed comfortable and pleasurable while he moved. I was with him. We both learned this time that for me it's important early on to leave me "space" meaning be in positions where I feel relaxed and open/free and to stay in those positions for a while. I already knew this but we discovered it together tonight, which was really nice.
I feel safe :) and for a few moments, I imagined what karezza could be like if we kept doing it. Several times tonight I realized/thought, "we are doing karezza, this is it, yay". Neither of us orgasmed, and we ended on a good note. Him making a clear distinction we are done after he had asked me if I wanted to... No leading/trailing off to cuddling then moving on to having sex again and getting aroused/orgasming. I left without tension, and that makes a world of difference because I feel "safe", like I can engage with my boyfriend with affection and there will not be hard consequences to deal with. I love this feeling and I am so grateful to him for allowing this space (literally, and figuratively) for me, and also in turn for him. I told him during sex "thank you for giving this space to me, because I will give back to you in return."