So,.. Orgasms are still a no-go for me.

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Submitted by thegentlevegan on
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Hahaha...

So, despite that I was finding quite the sweet spot of success in lovemaking with my boyfriend with relaxing and feeling connection because it was genuine and I was not performing- check my other recent post- I seemed to forget just how important it is to have a genuinely desired connection, rather than a connection that seeks to be genuine.

I don't know if you've had this experience, but I can explain.

The other day, my boyfriend and I were laying in bed in the morning, and I felt very good and cuddly towards him, but moreso relaxed, and not seeking, but just being. Something on my phone grabbed my attention and I talks with my friend for a bit while in bed. I hesitated to do this because I knew that it threw me out of the relaxed-being state that I was about to settle into with my bf. this state often leaves me feeling aroused or open to more connection. But, I had left my friend hanging the night before so I wanted to catch the friendly wave of communication again. Once I said goodbye, I was no longer in the relaxed state, but I wanted to be, and regretted that I didn't take the opportunity to relax and enjoy my bf's presence.

Instead of letting this go and saying, oh well, I enjoyed what I did and I be open to another day by getting up and moving on, I tried to recreate that feeling by getting cuddly with my bf. I also decided to go down on him, and then proceed in having sex, but I wasn't actually feeling the arousal that I genuinely had the couple days prior. I could have waited a few more days or a week or so, but I chose not to. And because I wasn't as relaxed, I ended up wanting an orgasm for some kind of feeling and I reached for one! It felt fine, but soon after I had an orgasm, I realized I felt a change in the relationship and my feelings towards my bf. it was subtle, but I knew it right away. Instead of feeling and receiving what he gives me, I felt like I was trying to take what he could give me. It was subtle, but the mood had changed in me.

For a moment I thought- "oh darn! I found something so glorious and golden and now I returned away from it!" But in another moment i felt gratitude and thought that "by experiencing orgasm again, I now know that not having it affects me greatly and I can have a whole new realm of experience with the one I love."

The last few days I have been plagued with a brain fog I can't put my finger on and a tension in my groin that I keep trying to put a finger on! :) Wink I also feel slight anxiety and grumpiness that has no basis in reality or my place in my life. In fact, when I think about my life right now, I feel really stoked and excited because there are new things and opportunities I can involve myself in. ...but- my groin keeps telling me somethin is wrong or strange... And unfortunately this little tension in my pelvis is something that will just be there until it isn't. Lesson learned. I love my bf and our sexuality but it only comes when I don't! :)

...And keep the phone out of the bedroom!! :)

Comments

I always say

that I've learned more from climaxes than from karezza. Smile That's not quite true, but orgasms are the best teachers for lots of things about human sexuality. I'll add your insights to the Karezza Korner page on the subject.

Good call on where to stow the phone!