Day 61 no PM (no porn, no masturbation)

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Submitted by TheUnderdog on
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Hello everyone!

It's been SO LONG since I last posted here.

I miss this community, especially you Marnia.

I'm going to copy my last journal entry below.

Source: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=13.msg39223#msg39223

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Day 61 no PM

2 months without any porn or masturbation whatsoever. And only 1 shemale encounter during this time. Can't believe I've made it this far.

I don't feel like superman or an alpha male or anything like that. I just feel normal.

I think people expect way too much from quitting porn. Apart from being able to perform sexually (good enough reason to quit), the rest of the benefits are very subtle, at least in my case.

Don't expect miracles if you're not making an effort to change your lifestyle.

Remember, if you've been trying to quit for months without success, please try the Orgasm Reboot. It's way easier.

I'm not gonna lie guys, I miss porn.

I miss the intense 1-2 hour pleasure sessions.

Sex feels SO different than porn. It's like comparing the sensation of eating an ice cream with the sensation of getting into a jacuzzi. Both feel great, but totally different.

It pisses me off that porn raises so much our sexual expectations. When you have sex it's impossible to reach the heightened states of arousal you get when you edge to multiple high definition porn movies.

Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love sex. And I'm not going back to porn either. I don't really have a point here. I'm just writing down what I've been thinking about during the last couple of days.

By the way, I have good news for the "anti prostitute" crew around here.

I'm getting a little bored of prostitutes. Maybe this is a side effect of staying away from porn. The novelty seeking behavior is wearing off. This is probably also fueled by the fact that my last 4 or 5 encounters have been kinda lame. Same positions, same routine, good erections but mediocre orgasms.

So yeah, it looks like I'm slowly moving away from purely pleasurable activities.

The problem is that I'm doing almost nothing to move into love and relationships.

Physically, average women don't impress me at all. I've had sex with almost a hundred prostitutes and many of them looked like models and had incredible bodies. When I see an average or mildly attractive woman I always say to myself "Why would I go through all the trouble of dating and flirting just to be able to have sex with her, when I can just pay a way hotter prostitute who is probably going to end up much better in bed?".

Sex isn't a big deal to me at all anymore. It's like eating or taking a shower. A completely normal and ordinary activity.

My point is: I can't use sex as the main motivation for dating.

This has both benefits and negative consequences.

One of the benefits is that I can focus most of my attention on the girl's personality. If I'm going to get a girlfriend then I really need a girl who I can enjoy spending time with. There's absolutely no way I'm settling for a girl just because she's fuckable. If all I'm looking for is sex then I might as well just fuck a prostitute.

The negative aspect is that I don't want to be a nice guy or end up in the friend zone. Lust and horniness have always been the main thing motivating men to pursue women. If I'm not "sexual" then it is highly likely that I will not create enough attraction, considering that my personality around women is kinda bland.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself correctly, let me give you an example.

Lorena, the girl I really like from cooking classes, decided to invite me and other friends to her house tomorrow. Conventional advice would be something like "Make sure to be flirty with her, look her in the eyes, touch her a lot, etc".

But I don't want to worry about any of that. I'm not interested in taking things fast or getting her into bed. All I want to do is get to know her and see if her personality is worthy of my time. I am truly and genuinely interested to know if she would make a good girlfriend. I just want to be me, ask normal questions, and try to have a good time. But how am I going to get her interested in me if I just behave normally like any other guy?

Oh boy, what a bunch of nonsense and over analysis. Sometimes I'm amazed at how inexperienced I am when it comes to dating.

Anyway, I really need to do something with my life. I no longer go to cooking classes which means that I have 24 hours of free time per day, lol.

I realized the other day that I'm guilty of focusing on an "All or Nothing" approach when it comes to self-improvement. I want to do either everything at once, or do nothing. This just doesn't work. That's why the 30 days of discipline challenge doesn't work. Every time I failed with one small goal or activity, I would give up the whole challenge.

I'm going to focus on building 2-3 habits at a time.

This is what I'm going to focus on:

- Waking up at 7:00am
- Doing yoga every morning
- Drinking 2-3 liters of milk every day

Let's do this!

Comments

As a Personal Trainer...

...achieving goals is all about making them achievable (while still being challenging enough).

So the 3 mini-goals you will be focusing on is a fantastic start in my opinion.
It can 8-10 weeks for a new behaviour to become a habit so just focus on these for the moment.

In addition you seem to have hit on the truth that prostitutes are in a sense '3D Porn' in that there is novelty/seeking involved, only pleasure (Dopamine) is involved (no emotional initmacy etc) and now regular women don't appear as appealing.

In addition your seeing prostitutes is the same thing as a porn user I think in that 'why should I go for the real thing, if the ultimate physical person is so much more easily accessible?'

So STOP seeing all prostitutes. That in addition with your 3 other mini-goals + giving up the Porn (but not necessarily MO...I read your post on rebalancing) will see you in a much better place when it comes to dating regular women a few weeks/months from now.

I understand the compulsion though....I have been addicted to Massage Parlours in the past and I fight that along with PMO.

I did 117 days (165 or so until I fully relapsed) end of last year until earlier this year and it was so beneficial. Currently on my 2nd major reboot attempt (on Day 10 atm)....maybe I should repost my blog entries here on your rebalancing site??

All the best to you!!!

interesting!

 

The problem is that I'm doing almost nothing to move into love and relationships.

Physically, average women don't impress me at all. I've had sex with almost a hundred prostitutes and many of them looked like models and had incredible bodies. When I see an average or mildly attractive woman I always say to myself "Why would I go through all the trouble of dating and flirting just to be able to have sex with her, when I can just pay a way hotter prostitute who is probably going to end up much better in bed?".

 

I think your perceptions will change.

If you continue on your path, I think you will begin seeing the inner beauty in women generally, and in certain women specifically.

You are already making huge progress. 

It truly isn't a matter of "hot" as in physically rewarding. The more inner stuff, the connection, the chemistry...this is going on all the time but you aren't aware of it when you are intoxicated with wanting.

The dopamine rush of wanting dissipates. It can leave a wonderful sense of love in its wake. It takes time to re-sensitize this way. Maybe 6 months or more. But you're on the path.

So glad you are having success. Keep at it!

 

 

I miss you too

Just want to point out that there are other thrills possible during sex than you've yet tapped. The karezza visitors are reporting them regularly now.

As your brain continues to rebalance, your tastes and sensitivity will almost certainly continue to shift.

I guess what I'm saying is, "Don't be afraid to let go of one grapevine to catch the next one, Tarzan!"

What happened with Miss Cooking Class???

*big hug*