Day 15 and the day after

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I didn't post for day 15 because I was pretty frustrated in several ways (and don't like to write much less speak when I'm angry). Riker wrote some about it in his blog. Basically I was feeling a lot of love and passion but my partner was hijacked by orgasm hangover due to 2 O's he had in a very short period of time the day before. Here I was, doing the love-dance all by myself. And being that we've been playing too close O-boiling point on me, I was rather "in-heat" with a lot of sexual tension built up inside. He had made promises to help me out in that area but fell asleep a number of times after half-hearted attempts. I ended up shutting down with the gates closing with a resounding clang.

As I mentioned, I don't speak (or write) while angry - at least I do the best I can. I know anger skews perceptions and it's better to back off and allow my emotions to settle down then think things through before approaching the subject with someone lest you might be sorry later for things said. I waited until the next morning (yesterday) before I told Riker how I felt and was planning on not seeing him for the day so I could stave off my sexual hunger. He was so kind and understanding, very sweet, and really listened to what I said. He had decided that he would have to join me on no-O. We did see each other anyway and both decided to O and start over together so we can both be on the same page and to relieve my extreme sexual buildup.

I surrendered myself to Riker's will for the O. It was my very first time actually relaxing and letting anyone have that much control. I was trying to have an easy, small O but was quite the opposite. It was precious in many ways, a beautiful gift of love from Riker that I finally was able to receive, and I don't regret it at all. But soon after, I was feeling my legs drag as I walked. Gone was the bounce in my step. My thinking wasn't clear anymore either and I burned a few fingers grabbing a hot frying pan wrong. I don't notice Riker's change as much because I've changed as well. He spent the night and, not being so sexually charged or doe-eyed for my partner, I was able to sleep deeply. It's actually a relief not being in such a high state of desire.

So we talked things through last night. Not really sure how things will turn out but intentions are that we are going to work toward no O's. I'm too used to feeling him next to me without clothes and I really need to feel him in me so I don't think we can do the full version of Exchanges (yet). We are probably going to explore all the avenues first, get burned a few times and then finally do the Exchanges once in for all. But I can see value in doing things this way. What we have experienced, the discovery of our primal nature, feels very spiritual and it's worth exploring for a while as I'm a person who loves a good journey and leaves no stone unturned.

We are still bonding very well but we have always been an affectionate couple. Through all else, it's what prevails in our relationship.

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