It was an okay day yesterday. Felt some anxiety throughout the day. I talked to my ex at length in the evening (I'm going to give him the name Riker - I'm a star trek fan). After we got off the phone, I could feel the sexual energies circulate again. The dopamine monster must have found me because I told him I might see him for a bit today (or could it have been the rosy colored oxytocin glasses?) I've been so guarded about seeing him for several reasons, one being that I wanted to make sure I abstain from any sexual activity until I got things under control. I'm going over to help him with some computer stuff but that's only part of the truth and the cover story - brewing underneath is the need to feel his arms around me again... and knowing that, I'm guarded against my own weaknesses. But one thing is for sure - all clothes are staying on!! I refuse to have an orgasm ever again because I know pain afterwards is really bad - both on my health and emotions. Going through 2 weeks of hangover is not my idea of fun.
Riker and I, when things are good they are heavenly. We are both extremely affectionate so all the bonding actions are already there. The long eye contact filled with love. The lingering kisses. The constant touching no matter where we are. We exude love, even in public. Time stops, the world disappears. There is nothing like it. The rest of the passionate play is as good as well but I don't want to talk about it since that is what we are avoiding. It is all heavenly until the after-effects of the O's hit. Then it's hell. For both of us. It amazes me how that happens. Like clock-work, too.
I've shared the whole concept of karezza with Riker and he's enthusiastic about it. I'm lucky for that.