discomfort

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So. It has been about a month since my last orgasm.

Emotionally I have been able to handle and process the rise and fall of my psyche .. and overall my obsession has been tolerable although not easy.

But now my body is having trouble. I have been meditating and running and weight lifting and topically cooling as it were.

I am in genuine discomfort. My scrotum, testicles, perineum, lower colon and abdomen ache.. there is a fullness.. like a lead balloon centrally inside my pelvic canal.. honestly feels like constipation but it is not.

When I get up from a seated position moderate pain tinges hit me just lateral to my pubic bone and the pain pulse runs up my inside my abdomen.

This just started today. Suffice it to say I had a sexually charged day. No porn or fantasy. Just around provocative women in my ecstatic dance ... part of my excersise both physically and mentally. I honestly thought I was pretty neutral. Had kind of a undertone of sexual stimulus with beautiful bodies and tummys and glutes. But didn't focus or obcess.

But since (the last four or five hours) I haven't been able to shake what I assume is blue balls. Never had it before. Always used to masturbate and relieve the pressure. This is actual physical pressure.

It can't be good. It may be irrational but now I am concerned about my prostate and testicles. Is my body getting irritated?

Since my prostate and testicles are used to repeated pressure release it seems like my refraining is causing even more irritation

Irritation or pain in the body can in itself promote dysfunction and things like cancer. So I am just sort of irrationally concerned. Looking for an excuse to ejaculate.

But am I being irrational? This is real pain and I never had this until I started Solo Karezza. Will it go away? Am I damaging something? l had felt relatively fine until now.

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I don't doubt that the

I don't doubt that the discomfort is real... but don't use it as a justification. Set you mind on the long-term, the short term will pass in good time.

Also, it sounds like you have found a trigger that you should consider avoiding for the time being. It is all about priorities. How big a priority is your wife's healing and rebuilding your sexual life, are you willing to sever anything that gets in its way? What value does the dance class bring and are there other things you could do in its place? Those are questions only you can answer.

Sorry to not have compassion to share today! Keep your eyes up and look to the end. It won't be easy and it won't be painless, but it will be worth it.

this goes away

the key is that you relax your root when you have sex, and even when you are getting aroused say through just cuddling or whatnot. That is what keeps the muscles relaxed and prevents blue balls.

Stay the course, my friend, you're doing great.

 

Thank you for all for your

Thank you for all for your support. The major discomfort did go away by the next morning. I have been allowing the energy to flow better I think. Not focusing so much on my genital region.. just relaxaing.

Getting spontaneous erections at times especially when relaxed and kind of zoning out. Also with any kind of absent minded fondling so to speak.

It is a strange aspect or subconscious pattern I have noticed
. Ok so awkward to say but when I have down time on the couch or before falling asleep or during sleep I am absently holding or fondling or mildly stimulsting mysef. Much more than I ever rember doing. This coild be patt of my overstimulation.. but it is mild subtle or even no movement so I am not really charged.. just physically engorged to varyimg degrees a lot.

Should I consciously try to stop this or am I just self soothing ?

I would stop that

I became aware of that. Sometimes it's fun to play a little with the diddle, but usually it's a bad idea :)

I would catch myself doing that and stop. It will work out much better without that I think.

It's fun to have spontaneous erections without touch and just enjoy them.

 

Just updating. Yeah I think

Just updating. Yeah I think overdoing the self fondling does make things harder .. ha ha. But really I don't want to become obcessed with self stimulation even if it doesn't lead over the waterfall so to speak.

I also have noticed the aching is more pronounced in the base of my scrotum if much stimulation occurs. It is still there a lot even with not much self touch.. ie. mild self cupping at night but not too bad.

I do need to point out a current phase of hyper sensitivity in my penis and scrotum. Two real contrasts. My penis has extreme pleasure sensitivity.. virtually any physical touch has a pleasurable sensation. In contrast my testicles feel swollen and like a bruised muscle if they are touched or grazed with even mild contact. Not as much the testicles themselves but the outside lateral surface and deeper tissues in my scrotum as it hangs down.. these areas also feel enlarged or swollen. I think it may be my VasDefrens too full or just irritable.

Even when I walk I have to do so a bit gingerly and a little bow legged at times or things hurt and my belly aches. At night in bed it is a problem as well at times because if my scrotum gets between my thighs and pressure occurs it is like someone kicked me in the nuts. I have to adjust forward so to speak.

I am hoping this phase is a phase and calms down soon. It isn't the doubling over discomfort of blue balls .. it is just really uncomfortable at times.

On the plus side I have no desire at all to orgasm. Maybe for two reasons. It feels like if I did it would just cause pain. Also I get a moderate pleasure sensation in my penis with no fantasy or work.. very little stimulation results in much pleasure.. which seems to be kind of quenching my desire

Did I already give you this link?

http://yourbrainonporn.com/blue-balls-lovers-nuts

Here's the content:

Porn addiction recovery challengesAlso see: Solo Energy Circulation Practices

These are not usually a problem, unless you're "edging," that is, getting too close to the edge of orgasm—or just starting out with your recovery after masturbating very frequently. Said one guy:

When I inevitably get blue balls after going a while without PMO I just deal with it. It eventually goes away. Actually I'm getting better at monitoring my mental state so as not to make it worse by fantasizing about sex and keep blood flowing to the penis.

If you do notice discomfort, you can try these remedies:

  • I found that cool (not ice-cold) water really helped, as did taking a lukewarm bath/shower. Try to think of completely unsexy topics or focus on something else. The pain will subside after a while, and it is worth it.
  • Blue Balls: After a certain amount of days, your penis may become extremely sensitive, especially if you’re going on hard mode. I’ve done my 90 days on hard mode, by circumstance rather than choice. It may get to the point where simply touching your dick is a kind of edging, and you can accidentally bring yourself to the edge, whatever your intentions. Odds are, at some stage in your nofap journey you will experience vasocongestion (blue balls). The only way I’ve found to get rid of it is by taking a cold shower, and cupping my hands, catching the cold water and just forcing my genitalia into it. It is not an ideal cure. It isn’t comfortable and fun, but neither are blue balls. Cold showers can help in general, but there are better posts on that I’m not going into here. FYI, vasocongestion can affect women as well, affects the clitoris, labia and outer third of the vagina according to my internet research. Which also confirms that cold showers work as a cure for women also, guess we’re not so different after all.
  • One remedy for that condition is apparently cold water running over the genitals whenever there's discomfort. Stanley Bass explains the technique in his book Better Than Orgasm

    The Comfort Technique (for use after sex without ejaculation)

    After sex, go to a bathroom and lean over a sink and pour cold water of the penis and testicles for a minute or two.

    “This removed any sensitivity, frustration and congestion in the sexual region, helping the retained semen to be [p. 54] reabsorbed by the body and lymph. This made a man feel perfectly normal and great afterward, just as if he had no sex at all, but with all the benefits retained. … I have used it many times myself and found it to be the quickest and most infallible way to feel good and free from all tension after sex. … If you don’t cool down you can become obsessive about sex, at least for a limited time afterwards. … But once I used the cold water it calmed me down after hot sex.

    Often when I went too close to orgasm and stopped without ejaculation, and if the sex ended there, I would occasionally experience sensitivity in my sexual region and testicles, commonly called “lover’s nuts” or “blueballs”. If I did nothing it would always gradually diminish and disappear within 3 hours. If I used the cold water treatment, it would disappear immediately and completely.

  • Logistics 1. Go in bathroom.2. Lock door.3. Quickly remove clothing below waist, including socks.4. Kneel in tub facing faucet.5. Make sure the thing is set for a bath and turn on cold water.5. Grimace for ten seconds while mouthing the words "Holyyyyyyyyyy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!"6. Get out.

    7. Dry off.

    8. Put clothing back on.

    9. Unlock door.

    10. Leave bathroom.

  • I went running after work, and the aching seems to have faded afterwards.
  • This morning I tried some of the solo energy activities: Yoni Mudra http://yourbrainonporn.com/tools-solo-energy-practices. This one worked great but had a strange consequence. I noticed semen leakage after urination. [Next day] My prostate feels better. The heaviness / stopped-up feeling is distracting and begs for relief and the only way to do that in the past was O. Now, I have a tecnique to relieve without any negative consequences from the O.
  • I have found that very warm or hot showers (not hot enough to burn anything) or baths work just as well. Blue balls is caused by congestion and very warm water promotes circulation, which I guess removes the congestion.
  • Another guy said: 

    Over the years at various times I have suffered a stabbing pain in the prostate immediately after ejaculation, or, at other times, a severe pain in the prostate that seemed like a residual muscle spasm (that was usually only resolved by taking a brisk walk or walking briskly in place).

  • A site member tried this during his rebooting phase: 

    Last night (day 5) I had a raging case of blue balls. Thing is, I wasn't edging at all. I've barely even had my hand on my penis since day one. I did have a conversation with a female friend on the phone and she seduces me with her voice. It's not intentional on her part, she just does it naturally. She's very soft spoken, submissive and attracted to me. She calls me and always says 'hello' in this soft purr and says my name like it's her favorite word of all time. Really, we are both quite attracted to each other but she lives far away and I can't be in a relationship right now so we just talk on the phone a lot. But she's sexy and I like it.

    Anyway, the point is that it turns me on. My penis doesn't get hard cause I'm effectively impotent at the moment, but I guess my testicles work fine because they start to ache after a while. This particular ailment (blue balls) has always been problematic. Other guys say it goes away with time but that's never been the case with me. Once I have them, they stay until I masturbate and the pressure is discharged.

    But I decided not to go that route last night and, instead, looked up some information on this site. It turns out a washcloth saturated in cold water wrapped around your nuts is an oft-used cure. So I did that, and then poured cold water over myself for a few minutes. To my surprise, that cured the problem by 80 to 90%.

Here's advice from another man:

  • Here is what i do: 1. pelvic tapping - on the sacrum (the triangular boney prominance from which your "butt" muscles (gluteus max) stem from, there is an area between the bottom of that bone and the one you sit on (called the sits bone or the ischeal tuberosity).You take your fingers and put them together and tap in that area. What you should feel if you are doing it correctly (and if there is congestion) is something like almost wanting to urinate. This is very similar to having a NON-erotic prostate massage. It won't cause an ejaculation or a stimulatory effect. If you have ever had the doctor do a prostate exam, you will probably be aware of the fact that it is not sexual and not stimulatory, but it can feel like you have to pee. The reason the tapping emulates this I believe is because of the vibration forces through the prostate. What happens can range from actually needing to urinate, some release of prostatic fluid (only trapped fluid), to a simple sense of relief.2. taking things like saw palmetto herbs and other prostate herbs are helpful for men who have a tendency to develop congestion.NOTE: My belief is that this prostate congestion is hereditary for some men. In other words, some men are more prone to it and it has nothing to do with Karezza or having conventional sex. In fact, it is the the whole process of fluids being produced, how the prostate is shaped in some men, etc. There were times after ejaculation that I felt this way and times without ejaculation that I felt this way. There are some theories of some men have overactive Cowlpers glands and are prone to this because their "ducts" get blocked with too much male excitement and production of fluids occur in this area.
  • Here's advice from a guy who has been making love karezza-style(no emphasis on orgasm) for years: I think you will find that the discomfort will pass as your body reorients itself to this new way of engaging sexually. You mentioned you have tried cold water and breathing the energy up with some success, here are a couple of other tips:

    One, if you find yourself getting close to the edge while practicing karezza, cool it down a bit. Enough to keep your erection but not so much that you get heated up. Stay in the middle zone.

    Second, penetrate your girlfriend from your "root," in a relaxed way. Let me explain. There is a tendency, especially in the beginning of non-orgasmic lovemaking, to clench the muscle between your anus and penis when practicing karezza since you don't want to go over the edge into an orgasm. If you tend to squeeze a lot this can cause the blue balls effect. This is when I have experienced it. If you keep the pelvic floor muscles relaxed most of the time, the energy doesn't seem to build up, at least thats what I experience. Staying in deep and not getting too heated is what I do to keep the pelvic floor muscles relaxed. The longer we go in a single session the easier it gets to stay fully relaxed.

    [Next day]

    I thought more about your blue balls dilemma the other day so I carefully paid attention to what I do when engaging with my wife. What struck me was how the penis is a sending instrument designed to obviously send semen into the woman. Even if you don't orgasm and send the physical substance, a penis is still built to be a sending tool so you need to send something when engaging sexually. What I observe I do is send energy.

    This may sound a little airy fairy but I think if you pay attention the feeling of sending will come to you. What I do is send this energy at the bottom of every stroke. It goes like this; when I move outward I squeeze that PC muscle I talked about, a little bit, and often not at all. The farther out I withdraw, which is rarely all that much, the more I tend to gently squeeze, never hard though, always pretty lightly. If you're really squeezing then you're to close to the edge and need to slow it down.

    On the way back in I relax at some point before I'm in all the way. When I'm at maximum penetration I totally relax, send the energy, and pause there. Sometimes only for a few seconds, sometimes for minutes. I think if you pay attention you will notice this natural "sending" energy when you are fully penetrated, relaxed, and at rest, even if the rest is only momentary.

    If you "send" at the bottom of every stroke you'll siphon off the energy that can build up and lead to blue balls. Think about it, in regular sex you build it up and up until the energy has to go somewhere and you send all that built up energy out in the form of semen. Where's it going to go if you don't ejaculate it out? If you send it into your woman energetically at every stroke you shouldn't get the blue balls build up.

    If the two of you are tuned into each other she should like the receiving sensation of the 'sending energy' you give her. This sending and receiving flow between lovers is what karezza is all about—very, very sweet. Also, you said you were going for an hour or two, that's a lot of energy that has to go somewhere.

    With karezza you are taking a process that is normally physical and transmuting it into something energetic, energy based. It takes a while for the body to get the hang of it, especially with the length of time you two go at it. If blue balls continue you may want to go for shorter lengths of time and build up slowly. Don't get me wrong, I think its great to go for a long time; we do this ourselves. You just may want to start with less as your body learns.

    I usually don't have the urge to "send" the energy right away, it takes a bit before I start to have the "sending" feeling. The longer we go the more I get into a 'sending' flow. Once we're really in the feeling and flow, there's almost never any squeezing at all, my genitals and pelvic floor are completely relaxed. One of the interesting things I've noticed is that my penis stays much more erect when I'm completely relaxed then when I'm clenching or squeezing. It's like my penis has a direction of its own when I let go, I just sit back and enjoy the ride.

    One other thing, about the cold water technique, I'd do it as soon as you get out of bed. Really rinse down your entire crotch area, not just your testicles. A shower head that is removable is really good for this.

    Wish you the best. You will get the hang of it. Practicing karezza with a partner is one of the most deeply satisfying experiences I have in life. Its well worth the learning curve.

  • Here's another karezza lover's advice based on his experience:

The key to not having blue balls is two-fold:

#1, relaxing the pelvic floor, the perineum, during sex and cuddling. Focusing on that, the root of the penis, and relaxing that, really helps to increase pleasure and also not to have blue balls. I cannot emphasize enough how valuable this has been. I try to maintain my focus on this all the time, while I am also engaging the rest of my attention on all the delicious things going on. 

#2, not working yourself up so close to the edge during intercourse. But if you get good at #1, you can get pretty close. I never get blue balls anymore and stopped after the first few times of Karezza when I learned #1 technique.

  • Another guy:

The solution is to stop clenching your PC muscle during sex. Relax your pelvic floor and you won't get blue balls.

More advice can be found at www.thefapless.com

Blue balls was one of the

Blue balls was one of the things that first brought me to this site - My first night after orgasmless sex was very uncomfortable. The info I gained here helped me to persevere. It did dissipate to my relief! Now I can have a couple of hours of sex with no pain. Occasionally I will still get brief period of feeling pressure or fullness with a slight amount of mild achiness. But it is not that bothersome.

One thing that I think is helpful is to have my wife massage my balls during sex. We both really enjoy it and it seems to help. It significantly increases pleasure and intimacy so I highly recommend it.

Hang in there!

Thank you all for your

Thank you all for your support. I am solo in my retention efforts and the cool water or even ice water is helping. Trying to get more adept at moving the congestion from my root upward.. energy flow techniques are helping ..

I am a bit concerned if I ever do get back with my wife or a future partner. If I get this congested solo without much stimulation.. how in the world am I going to handle PIV ? Is there really an energy flow between the man and woman and vice versa that makes it better? I mean keeps the congestion reduced better than simply abstaining from charged thoughts or fantasy or self stimulation and ice water soaking to calm down the arousal that happens anyway.

Also do you think my efforts now in getting used to the solo congestion will help when I have a partner? I haven't had sex or any sexual touch from my wife in well over a year. Once I get back with my wife I am going to be so sexually repressed I won't function or the opposite.. she will simply touch me and put me over the waterfall.

I am beginning to think I am a very hypersexualized person by nature. That is why I started on this Karezza path... to calm down to a normal level.. whatever that is. I am not trying to be dramatic here . . But my sexuality has always and continues to dominate my thoughts and actions. . Even without orgasm for 50 days or more I still battle.

Yes I am less of an obcessed asshole about it. Not drained or angry or depressed because of constant orgasms. So that has improved. But my emotional libido is on overdrive still. I just don't act out anything .. ie seek a lover or porn or fantasy. But why can't I just not desire , desire? I know of many single men and women who live happily by themselves.. have their friends and a pet and never need a partner.. it is like they don't really function the way I do.. like they are a different kind of person.

Well I guess they are a different kind of person. I was hoping I would become a little more like them. Those people who don't seem to need or even want a lover. Without my wife or a partner I still feel lost and alone. I am fine by myself and I have friends .. but the intimacy.. the connection not just sexually but also sexually is something I cannot or will not give up.

How do others do it? I know Karezza is primarily about one person caressing another without goals or expectation. But just being by oneself and loving oneself is part of that.. before you can fully love another they say.

But I am tired of only being with myself. Sorry for the rant. I am just processing the emotional discomfort now that the physical discomfort is better.

One other thing I might

One other thing I might mention. A friend of mine says I have a lot of sexual energy that I acquired from my parents and that is part of my problem.

I will tell you a quick story. A true story.

I slept between my parents in the same bed from birth to age twelve. My mother would have it no other way. She said my father was "oversexed" and she said she hated sex. She said these things to me and her friends and my dad.

So I was effectively a human shield between these two people my entire young life. My friend says that I picked up all the conflicting sexual energy from my parents.. sleeping between them night after night.. every night.

My father had two different bypass heart surgeries but eventually died of cancer at 56.. he was a very stressed man.

I know it really isn't in the realm of a karezza forum topic. But do you think some of my problems with sexual dynamics could have been acquired energetically by me between my parents? And if so.. any sugesstions?

Who knows?

But I do think the anticipation (dopamine) of being together again with your wife ...and not being able to achieve that is perhaps keeping you at a fever pitch.

Also, having daily affectionate contact definitely makes it easier for me to handle cravings, and my husband has said the same thing. Is it the touch and oxytocin produced (which eases anxiety)? Is it an energy exchange? Is it both? Or something else altogether? No one really knows yet, although there's some hard evidence for the first of those.

In short, I don't know if you're a hopeless horndog or not. It's too soon to tell. People notice changes from full karezza for months and months, and you haven't even started that yet.

I know that without a partner, I was always a bit stressed and edgy. I found a lot of the techniques you're exploring helpful...but I was clearly the "type" that does better with a partner, and my husband says he is too.

I second that

When my wife and I are bonding regularly and having gentle intercourse, my desire to fap goes away. When we aren't connecting regularly, my urge to fap returns. I think it's pretty normal.