Multiplicity

Tortoise's picture
Submitted by Tortoise on
Printer-friendly version

My grand experiment with solo Karezza has me even more aware of the diverse parts of me that make up who I am. The multiplicity inside all of us. When restraining from PMO in pursuit of "solo Karezza" if I have a "lapse" and orgasm it severely shifts my psyche to deeply identify with or "become" the sexed crazed stallion who is seeking to inseminate every random filly or mare. Seriously there is a part of me that starts finding amazing beauty and sexual desire for random females I encounter during the day. That is when I know the personality that is my male biological libido is trying to take the reins. Luckily I now recognize this maniac for who he is. A destructive shadow that wants to run me into the ground to achieve his goal and spread his seed. The least destructive would be by continuing to simulate spreading his seed through fantasy and masturbation to another orgasm. The worst manifestation results in mounting all his intellectual and financial resources to pursue actually depositing his seed in some female he has no intention of committing to. This aspect of myself is shameful for me to admit to and easy to rationalize away as just being a man.
This may sound as if I have multiple personality disorder and am psychotic but there is a key difference here from a real psychosis. The difference is that I can get on the outside and look in at these different components that make up my personality. My therapist would say I am good at "unblending" with these different aspects of myself. I am not a sex crazed maniac I just play one in my mind sometimes. It is at times intense but I can step out of this hyper horny state or personality and realize that is not who I am. Not my core. Not how I want to live my life. I am good and want to be healthy and not have a perpetual orgasm hangover and not hurt some other person by misleading them into a sexual relationship with no real foundation.
It seems like everyone obviously wants peace and happiness in their relationships .. but for me and maybe many guys or gals in the throes of an intense biological drive all logic goes out the window. I am striving to be a realized being who knows what is constructive. I recognize the destructive result of repeating a pattern of insanity and expecting a new result. I don't indulge the part of me that wants to eat sugar and fatty foods all day. I don't indulge the part of me that wants to just lay around and not go to work. I don't indulge the part of me who is a little spoiled boy wanting his way all the time. I don't indulge the arguing know it all who tries to change everyone's mind with his brilliance. So I no longer indulge the part of me who has the potential to hurt me and others and even bring unwanted babies into the world. Yes the drive is strong but I am stronger.
Ok so this is a kind of pep talk for myself. But maybe it could help others who might read it. I do find that solo Karezza when it is working for me and I am maintaining continence helps me to think and feel much more clearly about who I want to be as a person. Not indulge the obnoxious snorting salivating brainless stallion. A pitfall however is the emergence of the strong romantic lonely lover who longs to be seen and touched.. caressed by his lover. This part I don't want to fade away .. with solo Karezza that is working well with no orgasmic setbacks he becomes stronger. The romantic who wants to be spooned and cupped. Longs to listen to a heartbeat outside of his own. To hold the soul of this lonely man who cries for connection is close to impossible for me .. well .. impossible for me for any length of time. I try . I try to caress myself.. telling myself I am loved and nurtured by the most important person in my life.. me. But the scent .. the feel .. the touch .. the energy of another I think is the basis for Karezza. I don't know how to console this part of me and tell him it will be ok .. love will come.. your time will come. Then the stallion grunts .. solo Karezza? Really.

Topic:

Comments

This seems relevant

for every "red-blooded" human. Women are just as prone to being pushed around by biology...if you take into account our propensity for getting pregnant and bearing children whom we cannot possibly take proper care of (quite apart from engaging in reckless sex to get ourselves fertilized, whether consciously or not).

It's vital to gain the kind of detachment you're talking about, and learn to enjoy the stallion's antics without giving him free rein.

The male libido is like being chained to a mad man – Socrates.

Actual source:


From Plato's Republic (329b-329c): "I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, 'How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?' And he replied, 'Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master.'" (In this context, Cephalus is speaking to Socrates.)

Not sure the female libido is much better. Wacko

Yes, but I think supernormal stimulation

definitely makes things worse. Here's an exchange I had with a young psychologist I admire. I was proposing scientists investigate masturbating bulls or stallions. (You have the strangest discussions when you become interested in sexuality! *crazy*)

First, here are the posts (from 2 third parties) that inspired me:

A survey of US Patent Office between 1856 & 1919 showed 35 anti-masturbation devices for horses, and 14 for boys. (1974, Mountjoy, P.T. Some early attempts to modify penile erection in horse and human: An historical analysis. The Psychological Record, V24, pp 191-308.) Included are drawings from the patents. It was all part of the anti-masturbation craze that began with Tissot.

I checked my reference database and between 1856 and 1918, the US Patent Office issued the following patents for preventing masturbation in humans, mostly boys and young men:

0014739, 0022796, 0032842, 0033162, 0036314, 0037116, 0104117, 0177971, 0232858, 0397106, 0396212, 0429068, 0494436, 0494437, 0587994, 0622333, 0641979, 0678943, 0723259, 0745264, 0742814, 0765261, 0789286, 0807160, 0826377, 0852638, 0879534, 0875845, 0934240, 0936442, 0995600, 0997067, 1136396, 1215028, 1243629, 1266393

and the following patents for animals, mostly stallions:

0381491, 0448757, 0471567, 0487293, 0516740, 0521462, 0534429, 0832704, 0863291, 0977331, 0900863, 0976863, 1046935, 1067346

        That’s 36 for people and 14 for animals. There were some more after 1918: for humans in 1930 and 2006 and one specifically for bulls in 1974.

 
Marnia to friend:
 

It was interesting to learn about stallions and bulls, because those devices would have been used for economic purposes, since stallions and bulls have very valuable semen. What intrigues me is the possibility that such animals are driven to ejaculate more than they would in the wild, in unnatural conditions, which may also be leaving them with an itch they can't scratch - hence the masturbation.

I say this because often guys who give up internet porn gradually find their libido settles down to something they finally describe as "more natural" for them. They describe being very "ready" when a real partner is around, but also more comfortable with waiting until opportunity knocks.

In contrast, before they quit they (naturally) assumed that they had monster libidos and that's why they were masturbating so furiously, often multiple times daily. This, of course, makes it even more devastating emotionally, and difficult for them to understand why some of them can't get it up for a real partner.

I'm curious whether the example of excessive ejaculation (for economic reasons) in stallions and bulls might be instructive for human males in some way. I think investigation might provide evidence that chronic overstimulation of the reward circuit via too frequent sexual stimulation alters its balance.

Maybe desensitization or sensitization could be measured at the level of the brain in some non-invasive way, before (while actively being exploited for semen production) and for a couple of months afterward. If the animal returns to balance or even stops masturbating once off-duty, it might point to a return to balance of the reward circuit.

This calls to mind the example of the orca whale who has killed several handlers. Apparently, they also use him as a semen machine to gather semen for artificial insemination.

Wouldn't it be great if humanity could learn the importance of balance so we don't have anymore extreme measures or extreme overtaxing of our delicate reproductive machinery - above and below the belt?

M


Friend
 
to me

If the animals have an itch they can't scratch, do they eventually
stop the behaviors that lead to the unscratchable itch via a kind of
meta-conditioning?

Or is that what nature "intended"? For the animals to be unhappy, and
striving for excess, rather than balance?
 

Me to friend

I'm guessing nature wants us ready to binge...if apparent fertile mates are at the ready...but not in perpetual dysfunctional torment - as that would probably end up to be counterproductive over the longer haul (just as it is when young guys get trapped fertilizing their screens instead of pursuing real partners).

I'd also guess that both man and animal find a slightly uncomfortable ("itchy"), but happy-ish, medium when not bombarded with supernormal stimulation (or mating season)...and that this would be reflected in the reward circuit of the brain if the two extremes were different enough.



Friend
 
to me

That makes sense.
Long-term torment would just wear the animal out, throwing off its
ability to respond to the variety of rewards/punishers that it will
encounter, making it less effective overall.
So while short-term rutting is to be expected, permanent rutting is
unlikely to be adaptive, even for a professor on [the listserve where the panic

about masturbation devices initially appeared - I've spared you the drama].