Week 26-30

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But a woman who is in sexual “lockdown” (the inability to feel sexual desire and sustained arousal) can’t seem to take the first awakening step on this journey. I was one of the millions of women in this locked-down condition. Until now. (Donna P)

Its probably unavoidable, but its always a pity when people in these types of communitys get beyond novicehood and then disappear. So im trying to post something each month, even though things are chugging along on a decidedly even keel, and nothing terribly eventful happening. But interestingly enough just today something very exciting occurred.

A couple of days ago i posted the following on one of emersons pages:
I find [my beloved's] "presence" varys greatly from session to session... Sometimes she will be there, arouse and lubricate... But the majority of the time she doesnt arouse, lubricate, or visibly seem to enjoy it. However she persists with wanting to do it so gets something out of it i guess. I learned the hard way that when she is like that staying still is the best thing to do. Trying to 'encourage' her is not a recipe for success. When she is like that i lose my erection quite quickly, and its best if we head to scissors and sleep.

Diana says that recovering our innocence is a long slow process of erosion. Im fairly convinced that [my partner] has some sexual trauma lurking that we will probably never know about. In the mean time we just keep connecting and maybe one day some de-lockdown will start to take place.

Around the same time i had mentioned to her that i was concerned about whether she was enjoying our sessions lately. As we are still learning, we just about always read before our sessions, and find it helps us move from our day to day domesticity into a frame of intention. So before the last two sessions, (having finished THOTS) we've been rereading KevinJs writing aloud to each other.

Now this morning after reading we got to talking about her various hesitations. I asked her what she needs in order to feel aroused and present. It was a lovely conversation covering treatment from past lovers, embarrassing events, how she didnt know she had a clitoris until she was 23, and how she remembered being spanked for playing with herself on several occasions when she was 3-5. We talked about the culture we grew up in, how asking for what you need is ok, what a feeling of sexual well-being might mean for overall well-being.

She confessed that when we connect she isnt really ready. Diana's pole holding and eye gazing just wasnt doing it for her. Its so often the case that experts forget whats its like to be a beginner.

Some time ago, back in august Kevin and his wife Donna made a pair of posts about Feminine Lockdown. In them they mention the value of some clitoral stimulation as a temporary means to awaken a women suffering from lockdown. I remember reading them and not really taking it seriously, going as it was against everything previously written on the subject, ie that the the clitoris is best left to indirect contact.

Anyway she took some initiative and started touching me all over which she hardly ever does. She rolls her body lightly over mine. And instead of her doing the oiling, i put the oil on me, and rub it in gently while she watches. It turns out her self-oiling has been making her jittery and self conscious, but watching me turns her on. And kneeling between her legs, we get the tip of my penis onto her clitoris and let them play a while. It requires a bit of hand support here and there. Then incredibly after just a single minute she says she's at 7/10. Im astounded, 0 to 60 in 10 seconds! Its like she has leap frogged the intermediate states in order to get over her armour.

So from there we go back to the start of our normal session in scissors entering slowly. And surprise surprise it all goes easily and turns into the best session we have ever had. Shes gooey beyond belief, and we are rolling and kissing and laughing and sharing arousal levels from time to time. We continue for a good hour or more until i finally concede defeat. Its the first time ive ever given up before she has. Im worn out and to be honest slightly sore.

We debrief back in scissors, and she realises that her shame and sexual discomfort have been preventing her from saying what she needed. while I stayed at about 5-6 the whole time, she went up and down from 4 to 8. She had to keep remembering (and be reminded) to relax, and its something we talk about afterwards. She looks a little disappointed to have stopped, while i felt complete. Her excitement lead her to feeling unfinished. Its what Kevin calls a 'pleasant plateau', and i relate to it a lot. It comes from not clenching, not getting to that place of rapid breathing.

I have probably had thousands maybe even ten thousand orgasms in my lifetime, and she has had nothing like that number. Does she need to catch up? We dont know, but she seems to want to have some more. On the other hand id like to try the Daedone massage thing instead and see what that does for her. She hates me touching her (has never let me do oral on her). So that will be an interesting thing to explore.

Now, i am just feeling unbelievably content after our session. Like never before. I am literally jumping with joy that we are managing to break some ice off the lake (to combine two of Daryl's wonderful metaphors).



how thrilling

The "not ready" thing really resonated with me. I don't think my wife knows how to become ready. So maybe I can show her.

Treehouse, that is SO awesome beyond belief. I am SO glad you are still posting here and keeping us up to date as I would never want to miss your wisdom. Wow, this is SO encouraging. I am more certain than ever that I will make a breakthrough with my wife at some point. You have given me new impetus here. Thank you so much.



Treehouse, it is so great to hear you and your wife are *talking* about sex in such an open way...I really feel that will be the door to even greater things for you both. And I agree with you~~I wish all our members would continue to blog even though things are going at a nice even keel! It's good to hear about the success stories, too!

And I completely understand your excitement at being able to open her up (through the clitoris)~~Donna and I have spoken on the phone and sexual lockdown is something that many women have gone through~~so I'm glad you are breaking through and having some fun.

I think I know why Diana doesn't encourage a lot of clitoral play (and it's so prevalent today with women and vibrators, etc.~~just open up a copy of Cosmopolitan magazine!). The reason I think she encourages women to not focus on the clitoris is because it encourages energy to flow downwards and what happens (and is my own personal experience) is it can leave a woman feeling very unfulfilled. Like something else needs to happen. You need more and it creates a yearning that can become unpleasant. And it can make one irritable and like a cat on a hot tin roof!

But for some women, it must be a first step for them in order to become open and receptive~~and I hope things continue to be joyful for you both!

Time spent

The clitoris is something that has been off limits for me up until we got into Karezza. I dont know if it was because of me or her, but things have definitely changed. In the past my wife tolerated the use of my hands on her vagina but that was it, now she absolutely loves it. It may be because I have learned what gentle is all about and have been willing to spend the time needed so as not to leave her with that "unfulfilled" feeling you mentioned Rachel. Or it may be there has been a change in her, or a combination of the two.

Anyway, I start out with some cocoa butter and when it is melted and slippery, I proceed very, very, very, gently, using only the tip of my middle finger and stroke up and down on the upper areas around her clitoris. I have learned through trial and error not to proceed lower until she begins to open and blossom out. It takes time, but with lots of very gentle, long, sloooow strokes, she begins to open and I slowly begin to enter her. This takes patience and I never force my way in, as I have learned it is not something that can be rushed. A vagina doesn't become "ready" like a penis does in just a few moments, it is much slower to respond, at least 'mine' is that way. I have always heard "men are like microwave ovens and women are like crock pots." I insert my finger only a little at a time until it is as deep as possible, It is amazing to feel all the little contractions and the flow of her juices, just like when we have intercourse there is always a huge amount of "amrita", (did I get that right?) There is some arousal but never an orgasm. We usually go on for about an hour like this, very slow, very gentle, very quiet, I have learned this is what it takes for her to be satisfied, about the same time we spend with Karezza, in the same manner. This is what we do on the days in between Karezza days. When we are finished she is always glowing and I can just see that she is filled to the brim. So, once again, another one of the beautiful, wow aspects of the Karezza life!