But a woman who is in sexual “lockdown” (the inability to feel sexual desire and sustained arousal) can’t seem to take the first awakening step on this journey. I was one of the millions of women in this locked-down condition. Until now. (Donna P)
Its probably unavoidable, but its always a pity when people in these types of communitys get beyond novicehood and then disappear. So im trying to post something each month, even though things are chugging along on a decidedly even keel, and nothing terribly eventful happening. But interestingly enough just today something very exciting occurred.
A couple of days ago i posted the following on one of emersons pages:
I find [my beloved's] "presence" varys greatly from session to session... Sometimes she will be there, arouse and lubricate... But the majority of the time she doesnt arouse, lubricate, or visibly seem to enjoy it. However she persists with wanting to do it so gets something out of it i guess. I learned the hard way that when she is like that staying still is the best thing to do. Trying to 'encourage' her is not a recipe for success. When she is like that i lose my erection quite quickly, and its best if we head to scissors and sleep.
Diana says that recovering our innocence is a long slow process of erosion. Im fairly convinced that [my partner] has some sexual trauma lurking that we will probably never know about. In the mean time we just keep connecting and maybe one day some de-lockdown will start to take place.
Around the same time i had mentioned to her that i was concerned about whether she was enjoying our sessions lately. As we are still learning, we just about always read before our sessions, and find it helps us move from our day to day domesticity into a frame of intention. So before the last two sessions, (having finished THOTS) we've been rereading KevinJs writing aloud to each other.
Now this morning after reading we got to talking about her various hesitations. I asked her what she needs in order to feel aroused and present. It was a lovely conversation covering treatment from past lovers, embarrassing events, how she didnt know she had a clitoris until she was 23, and how she remembered being spanked for playing with herself on several occasions when she was 3-5. We talked about the culture we grew up in, how asking for what you need is ok, what a feeling of sexual well-being might mean for overall well-being.
She confessed that when we connect she isnt really ready. Diana's pole holding and eye gazing just wasnt doing it for her. Its so often the case that experts forget whats its like to be a beginner.
Some time ago, back in august Kevin and his wife Donna made a pair of posts about Feminine Lockdown. In them they mention the value of some clitoral stimulation as a temporary means to awaken a women suffering from lockdown. I remember reading them and not really taking it seriously, going as it was against everything previously written on the subject, ie that the the clitoris is best left to indirect contact.
Anyway she took some initiative and started touching me all over which she hardly ever does. She rolls her body lightly over mine. And instead of her doing the oiling, i put the oil on me, and rub it in gently while she watches. It turns out her self-oiling has been making her jittery and self conscious, but watching me turns her on. And kneeling between her legs, we get the tip of my penis onto her clitoris and let them play a while. It requires a bit of hand support here and there. Then incredibly after just a single minute she says she's at 7/10. Im astounded, 0 to 60 in 10 seconds! Its like she has leap frogged the intermediate states in order to get over her armour.
So from there we go back to the start of our normal session in scissors entering slowly. And surprise surprise it all goes easily and turns into the best session we have ever had. Shes gooey beyond belief, and we are rolling and kissing and laughing and sharing arousal levels from time to time. We continue for a good hour or more until i finally concede defeat. Its the first time ive ever given up before she has. Im worn out and to be honest slightly sore.
We debrief back in scissors, and she realises that her shame and sexual discomfort have been preventing her from saying what she needed. while I stayed at about 5-6 the whole time, she went up and down from 4 to 8. She had to keep remembering (and be reminded) to relax, and its something we talk about afterwards. She looks a little disappointed to have stopped, while i felt complete. Her excitement lead her to feeling unfinished. Its what Kevin calls a 'pleasant plateau', and i relate to it a lot. It comes from not clenching, not getting to that place of rapid breathing.
I have probably had thousands maybe even ten thousand orgasms in my lifetime, and she has had nothing like that number. Does she need to catch up? We dont know, but she seems to want to have some more. On the other hand id like to try the Daedone massage thing instead and see what that does for her. She hates me touching her (has never let me do oral on her). So that will be an interesting thing to explore.
Now, i am just feeling unbelievably content after our session. Like never before. I am literally jumping with joy that we are managing to break some ice off the lake (to combine two of Daryl's wonderful metaphors).