Weeks 22-25

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Submitted by treehouse on
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There is a distinct shortage of loving couples sharing what they're learning - hotspring

Karezza is like breathing, its a good idea to do it regularly. - treehouse

Its been a while so i thought id try to catch you all up on about a month or so of our "not quite post beginner" karezza life.

Firstly our bonding behaviors and thrice weekly karezza dates have become an automatic and regular part of our life. We dont have to think about it any more it just happens. In fact so much so that i often feel like a giddy in love teenager, at 50! And that feeling remains. We sometimes will shift a scheduled date one day forward or back to suit external life events, but its become a team comittment to make sure our dates happen. One of us will always say enthusiastically to the other the day or morning prior to a date, its date night tonite! Needless to say we watch less tv as a result, but when we do we do it entwined.

Now to the interesting bits. For my part, as a result of things ive been reading, ive had a few weeks playing with breathing and some solo "cultivation", it was something of an experiment. This practice involved gentle self pleasuring on my own while remaining relaxed with lots of breathing and visualistion. I found it quite extraordinary how much stimulation i can withstand and enjoy without orgasm entering the picture. Over that period of practice i had two orgasms a couple of weeks apart, the first was deliberate to see what it would take to orgasm like this, and the second was more like a natural overpouring after a really long session. Throughout this period most times i had no problems with blue balls except once or twice when i hadnt been circulating energy properly in which case i might get a few hours of very slight congestion.

The practise in general on the one hand seemed to dissipate sexual energy leaving me feeling remarkably calm for several hours afterwards, but also had some quality of addictiveness to it, that meant i kept coming back to it more often that i felt i had complete control over. But the interesting thing i found was on both occasions that i did orgasm, both times i slept late the next day, and both times, no kidding someone literally noticed and said to me was i feeling alright, that i looked kind of flat. Added to all this i had not told my beloved about these experiments and i felt a bit illicit about it.

I found the exercise interesting but at this point not really worth pursuing further. However the discipline has proved somewhat helpful in our lovemaking which i will relate below, on the odd occasion when my beloved gets a bit frisky.

On the emotional front, i had a one particular interaction with an older neighbour whose place i was looking after while he was away. In a well intended attempt to resolve some chaos that arose, i made a tiny mistake. Consequently he gets mad and instead of thanking me for all the good work i did, focused on the mistake, which upsets me, and i virtually hang up the phone on him, feeling unappreciated. After sleeping on it, (i opted to skip our date because i was so upset) a long process of reflection ensued. Starting from the imbalance and unfairness of it, to how he has as many failings as anyone, to how my father was also quick to point out my failings, to trying to remember specific incidences of that from my childhood, to considering how hard it is to apportion blame in these muddy situations. The chaos was a result of the guys inattention so it wasnt entirely my fault. Was my fathers criticism and ultimate rejection, worse or better than my mothers neglect of care and protection. To other incidences in the past of other friends 'rejection'. Finally concluding that however wrong i feel about his anger at my mistake was, the fact remains that the mistake was mine and i should apologise and try to rectify it if i can.

Then during qigong, i have an aha. Why does his feedback need to be balanced. If i made a mistake, there was rightful cause for comment, but as for what i thought was my unrecognised good deeds, why do i need recognition for that? Nice guy pleasing and approval seeking comes to mind. How would i feel if i didnt /need/ that recognition? More powerful is what. The old guy might be a pain sometimes but he has taught me a valuable lesson.

Now for her part, she's also had two orgasms, a week apart. The first was after months of no orgasms, it occurred during a particularly amazing session one sunday morning. We were particularly gooey, and after maybe 2 hours connected i was (a bit unusually) on top in a middle missionary kind of position deep inside her with our pubic bones meeting, moving or rocking just little bits, lots of kissing and breast holding when she has this spontaneous long orgasm, which goes on for ages. She says wow i havent had an orgasm like that for a LONG time. Then immediately after bursts into tears and a long overdue release of grief outpours. A mixture of her mothers death, and things happening at work, with a good dollop of unknown personal inner healing thrown in for good measure.

Through this we felt extraordinarily close, and we remained connected for ages, and i hold her almost like a scoop, protecting her, shielding her from the world while she grieves. Its a special moment that i wont quickly forget.

Anyway there seems to be little or no detectable residue that week, but as we read on through THOTS and i read aloud some posts from Emerson, Daryl and Kevin, there's a bit of theme to those particular posts about their women feeling like they needed to go through a more orgasmic patch for a while at some point in their journeys. My beloved seems to take permission from all this and after a harrowing week at work, the following sunday she gets quite frisky and is clearly off seeking another O. Her movements are a sort of onslaught that i can withstand only because of the breathing and solo practice. I mean im sitting up on my knees, in the rear positions p137 8-10, for those with THOTS, watching the whole length of her spine and backside go wild. Sorry if this is triggering anyone but onslaught is the only way i can describe it.

So she has another orgasm, shorter and 'not as good' as the one the week before. But again essentially vaginal, no direct clitoris stimulation. This is quite impressive for her, she's rarely rarely ever orgasmed without quite hard manual attention.

So what happened next? Well her work the following week as it turned out, such is life, is no less harrowing or /potentially/ stressful, and from the first day she seems really short fused. One of her customers actually asked her if she was grumpy today! She's snappy when she comes home, she's biting at me, in the bad old times of pre karezza it would have been argument territory, but we treat it as a joke, and playfully make light of it. But her snarliness persists all week, and so i do some reading on it and find evidence that there can be a difference between a naturally overflowing kind of O than one that is pushed for. And if sufficient time hasnt been able to elapse between them that contributes to the negative residues aswell.

But she is watching herself, and occasionally says to me in self reflection, is this the O? She learns, thats what i like about her now, her inner scientist.

So, thats about where we are up to. Hopefully we can go back to some nice quiet sessions now :)

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wow this is fantastic Treehouse

It is so interesting to read about the two of you and your journey especially now, as you are into fascinating post-beginner territory.

One thing I get from your writing these days is a MUCH happier vibe.

Do you notice you are more serene these days? Both my partner and I notice it. We are just so, so, so much calmer now. We're going through a bit of a difficult patch in a business but it's SO good compared to what it's ever been before in terms of "even keel." 

I'd say it was on the 9th month of Karezza that this really took hold. It is remarkable to observe my wife and how even when she's upset about something, she isn't really that upset. One of my colleagues noticed it with me. I just am so much calmer and more relaxed, yet I'm more clearheaded, logical and effective.

My memory is really good (as far as any memory goes, which isn't that far) and I am firing on all cylinders compared to any time I can ever remember.

 

Do you notice this also with you and your partner?

 

 

 

Calm

Calm? calm you say? Compared to how i was, i feel like a monk! But that says something about how depressed i was before embarking on this journey.

What remains for me is something that hasn't changed, and that is that i still struggle with work motivation. While i may have more energy now, i still get bored easily.

Work

The more that I progress in my spiritual growth the less I care about work. I have been in this job for 15 years so I know it very well. It does not tax me, and I like it that way. My boss is happy with me because I get everything done and the customer is very happy. However, he does not realize that I get the work done in about 3-4 hours a day of actual nose to the grind stone. The rest of the time I exercise, I read, I write in my journal and I contemplate life.

I used to spin my wheels a lot trying to solve problems. Now it seems like solutions drop in my lap. I have so much synchronocity in my work life that it is impossible to write it off as coincidence. My higher self obviously does not want me to be bogged down in work right now. It wants me focused on my growth. That is my take on why my work life has been so effortless for the past few months. It is my soul minimizing unnecessary distractions at a key point in my spiritual evolution.

Hi Louie

I doubt very much that we were engineered to sit in an office for 40-80 hours a week. Like you id be lucky to do a half days work most days, the rest of the day is spent doing various garden/building things outside, working with my hands. Many anthropologists believe that tribal peoples survived on 10 hours "work" a week. I suspect its what im trying to do to my body that's wrong not my motivation! Still we are far from financially secure, so that presses in a way that i struggle with sometimes.

I really enjoy

hearing about your learning curve...and about hers. One frequent effect of orgasm is that it leaves you hungrier for that next one...and then it's so easy to get into the cycle of mood swings and dissatisfaction. But everyone has to learn this for her(him)self. It's hard to explain to people that it isn't the orgasm that's the problem...it's the post-O cycle. Experiments are good.

As for your neighbor, it's my experience that when I've created chaos, I'm most likely to project my questionable behavior onto others and find something to nitpick in their behavior. Whatever great lessons you took from the experience, keep in mind that he may be projecting his annoyance with himself onto you in classic human style. Diablo

Hi Marnia

I've heard you say that after O some people want more and others go right off sex. If that's the case im probably in the former camp, and my beloved the latter, (hence the nightmare conflicts that used to create). Our tuesday date 2 days after her O she was very tense and tight inside, more so than almost every previous occasion than i can recall. She had had a short fuse as mentioned above so hard to tell what the cause was. I was about 7 days post O. Its a pity there are so many variables!

Thanks for siding with me on the neighbour :) My beloved heartily agrees with your take on the guy!