Weeks 39-46

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Time for a long overdue catchup, a brief breath after 8 weeks of very long days.

Theres two threads that caught my attention lately. The first is strawberryfields: How do I convince him that karezza isn´t just making you horny?

There's this little bombshell from the more lately talkative hotspring:

>However, just because you've been with someone for three years doesn't mean its worth staying in.
>In my experience, I stayed much longer in sexually addictive relationships than I should have,
>with people who were simply not well-matched with me, and this of course caused all manner of
>inner turmoil and stress that was so unnecessary if I could have just recognized it was time to
>move on. Finally, I did. Since meeting my husband I've found it refreshing to know that there are
>no doubts as to whether he is right for me or not, and its amazing the amount of energy that is
>freed up for other things that normally in past relationships was caught up in figuring things out,
>being hurt, feeling conflicted about the person, etc. And one thing I've realized through
>experimenting with karezza is that I don't think that how well two people fit or don't fit together
>can just be chalked up to chemistry and whether or not they are having orgasms. I do feel some
>people are just intrinsically more well suited for one another and compatible, if not actually
>fated to be together, and the practice of karezza can help improve harmony whether you are not
>that well matched as well as if you are well matched, but I do not think that its true that if
>everyone practiced karezza in the relationship they are in, they would find out they are perfectly
>matched. I don't think karezza carried out succesffully is a replacement for deeper
>compatibilities that are also important.

I sat with this for days, with somewhat of a lump in my throat, thinking jees that could be us. On the outside the lass and i have so little in common really, and this recent period working at the property has challenged our relationship being and working together 24/7. She seems really very unmotivated and unselfdirected, shows so little care for things that she does, while i have so many ambitions, so many things i want to learn and do, and crave perfection in all things.

However we are both introverts and are emotionally compatible, we dont sit there wondering how the other is or how they will respond. We understand each other. And ones need of mutual interest and work are things that can be met outside of primary relationships. I do believe that in an isolated nuclear family world, we must be careful how much importance we place on our partnerships. Community is never more important than now. I dont have any easy answers on the subject. Some friends of ours are in the throws of splitting up, and its unsettling to my beloved. She desperately needs security in certainty, believing that we will be together always. Me i have no idea, i gave up trying to predict the future long ago.

I spent some time with my mother recently and that didnt go so well. She very much wants more of a relationship with me, but i am as wary now as i always have been. I tried to introduce to her the ideas from Hawlow's, Love at Goon Park, but she feels too guilty over my parenting to consider them much at this point. For me, im not ready to forgive yet, and if she wants a relationship with me then she needs to be willing to open a dialog on the first 3 years of my life. I've spent 30 years and a buckets of money on therapy, to get this close to finding some real balance and peace, to finally 'getting' why i wake up angry every morning, why i am so insecure and needy.

Funny though having said all that, if i look at the last 8 weeks, the funny thing is that i *dont* wake up angry every morning, and i arent needy. That seems to have stopped quietly and suddenly. My partner demonstrates her love for me in ways that work for me, and, i rarely feel neglected, or desperate for her to show some sexual or affectional attention. I can pretty much take or leave our dates on a given day, and ive been allowing the ones that we occasionally miss to be forgotten rather than owed. You should understand, esp if youve followed this blog from the start, that this is something of a transformation.

The other thread was emersons: Karezza for me, not her

My beloved and I and pretty much in the same place as emerson and sparkles. In general terms the lass will present in one of three ways.
1. Subdued, usually anxiety/worry derived. If so, we enjoy 30 mins of karezza and call it good.
2. Relaxed. If so, more often than not, she will become orgasm seeking.
3. When she's in a really really good space, she will arouse but make a conscious decision to refrain.

But generally she's enjoying a period of new found orgasmic-ness-icity. My karezza-ness has very much empowered her to awaken sexually. Shucks.

Additional observations:

- She enjoys karezza, and readily agrees about the bonding effects. Even when she is so tired that she could just easily just lie down and go to sleep she shows no resistance at all to going through with one of our 3-4 weekly scheduled dates.

- She always arouses unbelievably slowly. After we connect, it will be about 30-60 minutes before shes lubricating and starts on her orgasm seeking mode. Now this bothers me not at all. It ensures a karezza component to each of sessions.

- After she orgasms we always stay connected for 30 minutes to bond.

- Sood, if my lass wants to orgasm, she will, she just goes kind of wild, i dont have to do much at all.

- Its pretty easy for me to stay out of it, only once has she tipped me over.

- Her recent orgasms are intense, and come without exception from deep penetration and mutual pubic bone contact.

- It makes me kind of happy to see her expressing herself, or derepressing if you will. In the first 5 years of our relationship, you could count the number of orgasms she had on one hand. She wouldnt let me touch her or use oral. Now she has that many a month.

- her lubrication pattern differs from most women that ive known. Ive never seen any really stringy mucous, and she is generally at her driest mid cycle. However lately during the second half, shes been producing oceans of thick white creaminess. But only once ovulation, and the cramps she experiences mid cycle, has passed. For the first time in our relationship shes been enjoying sex in the second half.

- our dates are increasingly in the late afternoon. Weve discovered that shes way more open then. In the evening we are tired, especially me, because i get up so early in the morning. In the morning shes groggy and really not much use to any one until she's caffeinated. Then she's itching to get on with her day. Restless.

Bless her pretty little soul. Where would i be without her.

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Comments

You two are amazing

It's so interesting to hear how these experiments unfold. I've long had the theory that karezza (or as close to it as you can get Wink ) helps bring you into the flow, align with the Dao/the Divine. And the healing process then brings up everything in the way of genunine intimacy...and one by one shows you how to flow past it...one way or the other. And never in the order you're expecting.

My guess is that if you really want to hear the truth from your mom, you're going to have to forgive her unconditionally first (at least in your heart).

glad you wrote this

I was wondering how you were doing. Thanks for the update.

I do think that about your mother, if you care for an opinion...the story of why you woke up angry every day being because of how you were brought up...that is a story. It may or may not be true. I find doing the work of Byron Katie very helpful in these instances if it is very painful.