I'm sorry to report that my sex-every-day experiment is not going to continue.
I'm reflecting how last month's mistakes (basically I went haywire at ovulation time and got things way too heated up) and their ugly aftermath, sprouted and blossomed into the beautiful things that have happened since. So, there's hope for this month's mistakes, as well...
the way it has turned out, I wasn't too surprised to find what I've been doing listed here under the category of "time-tested options that don’t work":
[quote]Opt out of orgasms yourself, while allowing your partner to orgasm. ... Letting your partner orgasm while foregoing them yourself will ultimately sabotage the relationship. Orgasms create distance (read the Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow chapter called, “At the Heart of the Separation Virus”). So while you are opening your heart more and more, you will have to simultaneously shield your heart while your partner goes through the emotional roller coaster rides caused by the orgasms...[/quote]
Tortoise cautioned me not to expect anything. It's only now that I can see how much I was expecting: love? There have been great moments, and I hope my enthusiasm for this daily-sex experiment demonstrates how serious I am about growing in sex. In a way I think it's gotten us some momentum. But the separation virus is still very much with us, only more painfully now since my heart is more open. :(
I've been doing some reading to solidify my own understanding of the neurochemistry to be ready to have a deeper talk about karezza.
I'm pretty afraid of this conversation, because I'll be laying out on the table the thing that I truly want out of life, and I'll be asking him to (consider, experiment with) giving up his heroin ( = orgasms).
Here are some thoughts from CPA and Karezza Korner that I'm mulling...
No partner can actually meet a need that is born of a neurochemical low.
The "What can I give?" attitude creates a profound feeling of comfort and abundance.
A woman's open vulnerability assists the man in control because it furnishes what the man most needs from the encounter.
(emerson) The worst way to explain it to a man is to say "it's like sex but you don't have an orgasm." Who wants that???? ... But if you say "you prolong sex, have lots of sexual intercourse, and delay your ejaculation for a long time and sometimes don't even bother ejaculating so you are always ready...and you get this amazing sensitivity and pleasure throughout your whole body" that can sell guys. Or at least the right guys.
Don't assume you will be sexually frustrated; Taoists discovered thousands of years ago a most satisfying sex life without conventional orgasm.
(Darryl) [his willingness to give up orgasm] demonstrates, in some way, his capacity for direction in his life. Making the choice to give up orgasming, and then following through with it, is no easy task for a guy. He'll have to be determined to do it, and at its core it will have to be his decision for himself first. If he does it just for you it won't ring true.