Well since i did my 9 weeks reboot finished back mid Decemebter, i have stayed away from porn (had may be 2 or 3 views but no MO). My intention was to rewire by maybe getting regular massages with someone local that could potentially lead somewhere.
For some reason that did not take place, lack of time being one reason, going back into a regular daily MO (with fantasy) binge did not help and then in the last 4-6 weeks it led back to online sx chats (but no visual).
Anyway, while abroad i thought i would try my luck with a lady of the night. I took Viagra just in case and the event although not a total failure was not mission complete either.
I was hard with oral (eventually), using a condom. But i found myself desperate to get an erection, so much so i could feel an ache in my glutes...ok ass lol, as i was so tense. I 'knew' that relaxing would be the best thing to get erect, but i would do it for a few seconds with no result, then panic...after all in life it is nearly always the case that you get a positive result if you put effort in, not the opposite.
I got hard enough for us to discuss positions, and managed to 'just get in for a few strokes, but i felt dissociated and awkward, eventually i stopped and we went back to oral and i had to M myself to completion.
Afterwards i was really relaxed and happy (i guess as the pressure was off) and we had a laugh and a joke. ....but things were a real struggle.
1) I think i need to continue/restart a reboot. I never got to the point where physical sensation was easily enough to arouse me, though it was much, much better than pre-reboot
2) Stay away from fantasy chat. Although my erections improved after the reboobt, when i looked again after my recent experience, my morning wood has actually gone backwards. I can only put this down to the excessive fantasys (which are back to 3rd person) and the daily occurence of such.
3) I am going to start meditation before trying again with my original plan (starting with no pressure massages until i get more comfortable with her), I know that if i was just 50% less tense/anxious my erection would have came, at least i felt that afterwards....i also reaslised it's been nearly 6 years since i was last with a woman intimately and the environment i was in is not the most relaxing.
I dont think the condoms helped at all (i could barely feel anything), but i think that is again due to some of the factors mentioned above (incomplete reboot, fantasy etc).
Anyway, enough about me, i hope others are doing well. I see lots of new names & a new website :-)....yeay!