Back again Day 2!

Submitted by Visage on
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Well since i did my 9 weeks reboot finished back mid Decemebter, i have stayed away from porn (had may be 2 or 3 views but no MO). My intention was to rewire by maybe getting regular massages with someone local that could potentially lead somewhere.

For some reason that did not take place, lack of time being one reason, going back into a regular daily MO (with fantasy) binge did not help and then in the last 4-6 weeks it led back to online sx chats (but no visual).

Anyway, while abroad i thought i would try my luck with a lady of the night. I took Viagra just in case and the event although not a total failure was not mission complete either.

I was hard with oral (eventually), using a condom. But i found myself desperate to get an erection, so much so i could feel an ache in my glutes...ok ass lol, as i was so tense. I 'knew' that relaxing would be the best thing to get erect, but i would do it for a few seconds with no result, then panic...after all in life it is nearly always the case that you get a positive result if you put effort in, not the opposite.

I got hard enough for us to discuss positions, and managed to 'just get in for a few strokes, but i felt dissociated and awkward, eventually i stopped and we went back to oral and i had to M myself to completion.

Afterwards i was really relaxed and happy (i guess as the pressure was off) and we had a laugh and a joke. ....but things were a real struggle.

so

1) I think i need to continue/restart a reboot. I never got to the point where physical sensation was easily enough to arouse me, though it was much, much better than pre-reboot

2) Stay away from fantasy chat. Although my erections improved after the reboobt, when i looked again after my recent experience, my morning wood has actually gone backwards. I can only put this down to the excessive fantasys (which are back to 3rd person) and the daily occurence of such.

3) I am going to start meditation before trying again with my original plan (starting with no pressure massages until i get more comfortable with her), I know that if i was just 50% less tense/anxious my erection would have came, at least i felt that afterwards....i also reaslised it's been nearly 6 years since i was last with a woman intimately and the environment i was in is not the most relaxing.

I dont think the condoms helped at all (i could barely feel anything), but i think that is again due to some of the factors mentioned above (incomplete reboot, fantasy etc).

Anyway, enough about me, i hope others are doing well. I see lots of new names & a new website :-)....yeay!

Regards
Vis

Comments

I'm keeping my fingers

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your reboot! And how about thin condoms? I just used some black thin rubbers by Trojan and I felt like I had nothing on me, though it made me cum very quickly...

hi Brand New

Thanks, interstingly i dont have the same negative feelings and anxiety about this reboot, i guess as i can tell i have made some progress and now just need to find more regular company to help it flourish over time, i have no real desire for porn other than with fantasy chat girls when the fantasy chat has ran it's course and i guess the next novelty level is required, though i have pretty much resisted this.

Good point about the condoms, unfortunately they tend to supply their own and this was very thick! That being said, perhaps i can try some of the Trojan ones in my own time, just get used to the idea of putting one whilst hard, at the moment i may associate the act of putting one on with imminent failure, so i want to break that association.

Day 6

Well if my morning erections were bad before this (2nd) reboot, they have hit rock bottom with this reboot....i hope the damn thing doesnt start to shrink and regress into a vagina!

Anyway, one big difference is this time around i am not fantasising a fraction as much as the first time around. Around a year ago i tried to reboot for the first time, never really getting past the 3rd week (so i didnt count those as reboots but attempts), then i would constantly (20 times a day plus) fantasise in 3rd person....i would edge several times a day.

This time around in 6 days i have probably fantasised twice with only one edging session, which spiraled out of boredom. I guess after 20+yrs of hardcore PMO, i need time to recover, a simple 2 months reboot probably isnt enough to fully correct my behaviour/habits.

Anyway, for now i march on, i'm hoping the effects of reboots are compounded and i rapidly see improvements this time around (given there was no PMO and only a few mins of porn during the 3 months between the two reboots)

As always, good luck all and stay positive, it's just a lifestyle change that's all...it takes time...

Regards
Vis