I am seeking advice and opinions. I had a 9 week reboot finishing in Dec, I then had 3 months of MO bing with chat girls (no visual) and fantasy, 3rd person and elaborate, nothing that is likely to happen in reality, characters with themes etc.
A month ago i took a blue pill and went with a girl from the red light district, i was absolutely rigid (my body not my dick) with fear, so much so that my body ached, i managed to get erect but didnt really feel much of an erectionwith the condom on, all of this was oral. Nor did i feel overly horny. But i was relieved after many years i at least was with a girl, that was nice in itself and a huge relief. I tried penetrating but things went soft almost immediately.
3 weeks on and i had about 10 days of rebooting, but MO's had one fantasy chat but have knocked it on the head now (its a hard habit to break).
Last week i saw her again, this time i was much more relaxed (blue pill again), still wasnt overly horny, though i was hard much more easily, part of this was due to being more relaxed, i also watched in the mirror (i wonder if that is bad as it was a bit like watching porn). I could have asked her to go on top and had sex, but i am in no rush and i like the fact that i have built a history of erections with her, if not with penetration, at least that way she knows i can get it up! That makes me feel more and more confident.
Since the second visit i am thinking about fantasy in first person much more 99% perhaps, whereas previously it was 99% but in 3rd person. When i think about her good bits I get a tingly feeling and reaction below, so defo some rewiring is going on here.
My question is this. Next week i am there again, do I go with a new girl (as she wont be there this time) and continue rewiring, I will prob use the blue pill again as its a new girl. Or do i take this opportunity to spend maybe 5 or 6 weeks rebooting instead, no MO?
Given my previous 9 weeks pure PMO abstinence, only a few mins of porn, no PMO since then, but fantasy chat), should i continue with another no sex thoughts MO reboot. Or continue by rewiring?
The rewiring experience is kinda nice, but at the same time, I want to be properly fixed and it appears to be the case (based on others here and even my own experience a few years ago) that having sex can slow this process down.
All views are welcome