Today I relapsed on PMO again. Last night I had sex with a friend and we ended up staying up late and waking up early. I felt very tired during the day which made me not want to go out, I was by the computer and my curiosity led me back to PMO. If I am not involved in PMO, I am desperately looking for either a girl I can fall in love with, or a woman who I can just have sex with and had no emotional connection. I feel the only way to get through this is to totally change my lifestyle and weekly routine. I have some questions, that I would love some answers too...
It has been over half a year since I wrote a blog on here. I went 7 months with no PMO, and then one night, a series of hurtful events happens and I found myself relapsing. After that first relapse, I went about a month until I relapsed again, then 2 weeks, then 1 week, then a couple days, and I found myself back in the Porn Trap. I have discovered that I am not only a porn addict, I think I am also a sex addict, but I am not sure how to tell?
Today is day 134 of no PMO and I have been having really amazing dreams lately. Since I have stopped PMO, I have started 2 new music teaching jobs, and business has been picking up very quickly. I have also replaced my PMO time with bicycling, which I cant get enough of! When I am on my bike, I feel like I am pushing out the old negative energy, and breathing in the new while I enjoy the fresh air, scenery, and wonderment of the great outdoors. A couple weeks ago, I rode 40 miles in one ride, which is my record as of now!
Just finished day 132 of no PMO!
It has been such a long time, but I am proud to say that I am on day 116 of no PMO, which is way past my initial goal of my 90 day re-boot! Over the course of 116 days, I did test out my masturbation tendencies about 3 times total throughout, and I had no problem masturbating without fantasy, although it wasn't that great of an orgasm because I would rather just save that build up for an orgasm with a partner. I have found that what has helped me go this long, is making sure I do not let myself get bored or lonely.
So today is day 35 of no PMO or MO. I have had 2 sex sessions with the same girl, and I have not had much of a chaser effect after either of the times, which is great! I am back on the dating site and I have met a new friend that I have been spending some time with, and eventually turned into the girl I am having sex with now. We seem to get along pretty well and we can seem to hold a conversation pretty well, but there is no way that our relationship could turn into more than just friends with benefits.
Today is day 15 of no PMO or MO of this current reboot. I feel pretty good, although I have had some weird revelations pop into my head today. I was sitting here thinking how I would love to go out and have sex with a girl tonight, and then I started thinking "oh no, that's not a good idea, you need to stay away from that." I then started thinking to myself, sex is human nature and I feel like I am telling myself to deny my "man chemistry," which does not feel right to me.
Today is day 4 of my current reboot. I find it really interesting how much of a fog my brain goes into after a relapse. A couple days ago, I forgot what day it was, and found out I was a day behind!...SIDE NOTE: Whoa! I am at the library and a really attractive young woman just walked in and sat at a table close to me. This is the first spike in sexual feelings in 4 days, haha, what a trip! I was not expecting that and I am too afraid to talk with her, I just don't know what to say, I wish I did. (I am just making excuses because I am scared).
So since starting from day 1 again today, I have looked back to see what causes my relapses, as well as what could prevent them. The following lists are what came to mind.