Day 116 no PMO (Thank you god, universe, WHOEVER!)

Submitted by warriorfreedom on
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Hey Everyone!
It has been such a long time, but I am proud to say that I am on day 116 of no PMO, which is way past my initial goal of my 90 day re-boot! Over the course of 116 days, I did test out my masturbation tendencies about 3 times total throughout, and I had no problem masturbating without fantasy, although it wasn't that great of an orgasm because I would rather just save that build up for an orgasm with a partner. I have found that what has helped me go this long, is making sure I do not let myself get bored or lonely.

My way of avoiding this, is to meet up with a girl who is a friend, and is comfortable with getting sexually intimate with me. It is great and I do not feel the chaser effect or feel dirty or shameful afterwards our sex, plus I am so proud of myself for actually pursuing the real act of intercourse, rather than depending on porn and PMO, than I avoid the dark feelings that come after a PMO relapse. Not only that, I feel like I am in High School again when I have sex because I can orgasm from intercourse 3-4 times with a full and hard erection (no ED) within a 24 hour period, and I crave the actual sex, which was NOT the case when I was PMO'ing ( I could barely get a full erection with a girl, let alone orgasm sometimes even once through intercourse with a girl...a really sad and dark memory that I really don't ever want to go back to).

So all that being said, I have noticed that it is still hard for me to commit to a relationship with one woman. I met a really awesome and caring girl about a month ago, and I noticed I started nit picking things I didn't like about her as a way to get out of the relationship within about a month. An interesting thing that I found is that we ended up having sex a couple weeks in, and after the sex, I started drifting from the relationship. What I found is that I need a powerful woman who will make me work and wait for that sexual piece of her, and focus on developing a strong friendship and really get to know eachother before we jump into the thought of a romantic and sexual relationship.

Lastly, I have to be honest on why I am on here now writing all this. I was having strong thoughts of relapsing on porn tonight even after 116 days of no PMO, or even a previous overwhelming desire to relapse within the 116 days. I know the feelings started to come on about a week ago when one night, I flirted with the idea of PMO and started watching movies that mostly "suggested" sex while holding the thought of PMO in my mind, even though I never acted on it, I think I awoke the addiction and it is now up to me to center myself enough to let the PMO addiction return to it's dormant state before it takes over and relapse. I never could fathom the thought that I could go 116 days of no PMO, but here I am!...Thank you god, universe, life force energy, whoever!

...and thank you all!


First, congratulations on your progress

It's great that you have a buddy.

If you're noticing that you lose interest after sex, it could be due to the neurochemical effects of too many orgasms. When you feel depleted, your partner will look totally inadequate, or uncaring, or...lacking one way or another.

But this is coming from a temporary neurochemical "black hole" in you. So it can never be fixed by changing partners. Changing partners may give you a temporary buzz of what I call "honeymoon neurochemistry," so it can feel like the answer. But that booster shot will fade and you will be left blaming your partner for what's missing again.

I went through this a lot myself Wacko, which is how I ended up digging until answers turned up. This built-in wedge between the sexes (which gets more pronounced the more we focus on performance-driven sex) is getting more pronounced these days.

If you want to understand what's really going on and consider a way around it, read these:

Orgasm’s Hidden Cycle

Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause a Hangover?

Lovers' Ultimate Sex Hack: Karezza

Hope you didn't relapse. Remember the RED X and the Cold water technique

Stay focused, and healthy

Great job Warriorfreedom! It is no easy task to get where you are.

I find that when I lapse most often is usually when I am lonely. Obviously we all need some physical contact, whether it be sexual or not.

At the moment I am looking for someone who would want a physical relationship but not a sexual one. This will help me stay level and hopefully fulfilled so I don't let myself fall into this "black hole" that Marnia mentioned above. When I am in that state it is as if I use porn (which as I understand is one of the many "natural" ways to get that high) to try and fill that void.

Best of luck!