It has been such a long time, but I am proud to say that I am on day 116 of no PMO, which is way past my initial goal of my 90 day re-boot! Over the course of 116 days, I did test out my masturbation tendencies about 3 times total throughout, and I had no problem masturbating without fantasy, although it wasn't that great of an orgasm because I would rather just save that build up for an orgasm with a partner. I have found that what has helped me go this long, is making sure I do not let myself get bored or lonely.
My way of avoiding this, is to meet up with a girl who is a friend, and is comfortable with getting sexually intimate with me. It is great and I do not feel the chaser effect or feel dirty or shameful afterwards our sex, plus I am so proud of myself for actually pursuing the real act of intercourse, rather than depending on porn and PMO, than I avoid the dark feelings that come after a PMO relapse. Not only that, I feel like I am in High School again when I have sex because I can orgasm from intercourse 3-4 times with a full and hard erection (no ED) within a 24 hour period, and I crave the actual sex, which was NOT the case when I was PMO'ing ( I could barely get a full erection with a girl, let alone orgasm sometimes even once through intercourse with a girl...a really sad and dark memory that I really don't ever want to go back to).
So all that being said, I have noticed that it is still hard for me to commit to a relationship with one woman. I met a really awesome and caring girl about a month ago, and I noticed I started nit picking things I didn't like about her as a way to get out of the relationship within about a month. An interesting thing that I found is that we ended up having sex a couple weeks in, and after the sex, I started drifting from the relationship. What I found is that I need a powerful woman who will make me work and wait for that sexual piece of her, and focus on developing a strong friendship and really get to know eachother before we jump into the thought of a romantic and sexual relationship.
Lastly, I have to be honest on why I am on here now writing all this. I was having strong thoughts of relapsing on porn tonight even after 116 days of no PMO, or even a previous overwhelming desire to relapse within the 116 days. I know the feelings started to come on about a week ago when one night, I flirted with the idea of PMO and started watching movies that mostly "suggested" sex while holding the thought of PMO in my mind, even though I never acted on it, I think I awoke the addiction and it is now up to me to center myself enough to let the PMO addiction return to it's dormant state before it takes over and relapse. I never could fathom the thought that I could go 116 days of no PMO, but here I am!...Thank you god, universe, life force energy, whoever!
...and thank you all!