In this 12 days of my current reboot, my loneliness has been more present than it has ever been on my conscious journey to recovery. The loneliness gets so bad that I feel like I am going to lose my mind, there is no release sometimes and I feel like I am going to explode. The pain of the loneliness has been so excruciating and I want so bad to be with a girl but I feel I have no open door for that option. I go to the library daily to get my dose of social scene, but I feel embarrassed sometimes because I am also there, like I don't have a life and I am being judged. I know that isn't true and it is just my own judgement, but that is how I feel sometimes.
I have been flirting heavily with the thought of PMO since this pain of loneliness has risen, and I have been making it worse for my recovery by using my fantasy to help get me through this pain, but I don't know what else to do. I don't know what I need to do about this loneliness, but I want to come to terms with it so bad and clear the pain because it has been very present for many years. I just want to know how to come to terms with this emotional pain.
The PMO addiction is lurking very close and I will do my best to stay on track because I really want to, but I cant take this emotional pain and I need help to find a way to clear this pain within me, any suggestions...?