Day 12 no PMO or MO (Loneliness)

Submitted by warriorfreedom on
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In this 12 days of my current reboot, my loneliness has been more present than it has ever been on my conscious journey to recovery. The loneliness gets so bad that I feel like I am going to lose my mind, there is no release sometimes and I feel like I am going to explode. The pain of the loneliness has been so excruciating and I want so bad to be with a girl but I feel I have no open door for that option. I go to the library daily to get my dose of social scene, but I feel embarrassed sometimes because I am also there, like I don't have a life and I am being judged. I know that isn't true and it is just my own judgement, but that is how I feel sometimes.

I have been flirting heavily with the thought of PMO since this pain of loneliness has risen, and I have been making it worse for my recovery by using my fantasy to help get me through this pain, but I don't know what else to do. I don't know what I need to do about this loneliness, but I want to come to terms with it so bad and clear the pain because it has been very present for many years. I just want to know how to come to terms with this emotional pain.

The PMO addiction is lurking very close and I will do my best to stay on track because I really want to, but I cant take this emotional pain and I need help to find a way to clear this pain within me, any suggestions...?

Comments

Hang in there!

Hang in there! I have experienced extreme mood swings and loneliness as well, and I used to use PMO to medicate that feeling. If you use PMO to medicate your loneliness, it will only perpetuate your loneliness and make recovery take even longer. What I did that has helped me get to 57 days (with an incredibly long flatline and bouts of depression) is to journal frequently and exercise. When I get lonely I go outside and ride my bike or make myself do something. You can't just sit inside when you're lonely or it will magnify itself and become unbearable.

Also, with the rebooting process you will probably eventually notice that you become more magnetic towards women and they notice you more, or that you notice that women notice you more (they probably noticed you all the time and you just didn't see it!). I went years without a girlfriend because of my PMO habit, but once I quit, I found it much easier to talk to women and eventually met my current girlfriend soon after quitting PMO. More good things have happened to me since I quit PMOing than I can describe. You just need to always remember the end goal so you can move forward! In my experience, writing my thoughts and feelings in a journal helps take them out of my head and puts them on paper. Then they kind of disappear. Also, I began reading books to help me with my thinking, because addictions such as PMO seem to keep the mind working in vicious circles. I highly recommend Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" if you're interested. It has helped me loads with how I perceive things and my ability to accept life as it happens instead of always trying to change what is.