First of all, I want to thank each and every one of you who write your stories and are so honest with yourself and others. This site is the most amazingly inspiring site ever! So I am on day 4 of no masturbation or ejaculation (I peeked at porn for about 2 minutes yesterday, before I found this site, but didn't masturbate). I was reading another blog post and he talked about seeing it as an "adventure" rather than a chore, exploring unknown territory, and what a great way to look at this process.
I am addicted to porn and I see that it affects the way I develop relationships, and it has caused me to not be excited during real life intercourse. I have even gotten to the point to where I have explored options of going to sex rehab, but not many mainstream hospitals offer that kind of treatment that is covered by insurance, it amazes me how this porn epidemic and it's effects on the human brain are not more talked about or recognized! I have been watching porn since I was about 13, and I am now 23. I quickly progressed to extremely hardcore porn, such as rape scenes, within a year of watching porn. After that year, I didn't like the kind of forceful porn I was watching, so I decided to cut out rape porn completely, and move to less forceful porn, which I did (I guess the addiction hadn't fully taken hold yet.) Then about 6 years later, out of nowhere one night, I decided to look at "force" scenes again and ever since that night, I have been fully hooked to hardcore rape, humiliate, degrading porn. My main goal is to re-boot the pattern of watching porn and let go of the images i've seen and create more pure images, memory, and lifestyle. No ones is telling me that I need to do this, it is my wish, and my wish alone. What I want in my life is a loving compassionate companion that I can develop a strong emotional connection to and spiritually grow with. I want to get better but I have some questions for the people who have been on this journey longer than me...
1. How long until I should orgasm again? (Without porn of course!)
2. How long until I start to see the cravings, images, and helpless feeling start to get under control?
3. How long before I start dating to develop a relationship?
4. How long before sex with a woman?
5. What are some actions I can take to make this "adventure" less painful and most fulfilling?