Day 9 (No more girlfriend, Dating sites)

Submitted by warriorfreedom on
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So today has been day 9 or no PMO or MO. Today has been a very restless day and I feel very vulnerable to the thought of porn, sex, and women. I broke up with the girl I recently started a relationship with on Sunday due to my instability within the relationship due to my overwhelm of sexual feelings and my chemistry and emotions in the works of being leveled out from the absence of PMO. About a week before we broke up, I told her I couldn't have sex with her anymore for a while until my chemistry was more stable, and until I was far enough away from the pattern of PMO. She seemed fine with that, a little disappointing to her, but she respected my need for a healthy reboot. That boundary I set for no sex really made me re-evalute what a relationship is to me now that there was going to be no sex involved for a while, and I wasn't emotionally ready to start Karezza sessions with her. With all of that being said, I feel I got overwhelmed with it all and needed time to reboot by myself, so I broke up with her and it hurt because we really liked eachother. Now that I am on this path of re-booting on my own, I have found my dyer need to go back onto dating sites and look for girls. This is really weird and hard for me because deep down I am not ready for a relationship, and I know that sex is the last thing I need at this point, but I feel if I don't have some form of female interaction and the excitement of the initial conversation and interest, I will go crazy. Maybe day 9 is just a breaking point within my re-boot, I sure hope so!


Maybe you needed a short

Maybe you needed a short break. Can you start over with her in a slower way? A relationship doesn't have to be anything you don't mutually decide you want it to be.

Hope your 9-day doldrums evaporate soon.

Or just

cuddling with her, kissing, hugging. Girls love that, and the bond you can form with her can go such a long way. And maybe you'll like it too Wink

Remember that porn addiction

is often more about searching and novelty than bare butts. So clicking around on dating sites isn't much a primitive part of your brain. What stimuli must I avoid during my reboot (did I relapse)?

Be willing to reconsider the value of your relationship. It wasn't just about sex. You may have let your brain fool you due to the perception shifts connected with withdrawal.


The Confusion in Rebooting

Disclaimer: I am no expert, but I am saying so far from my experience and what I have learned so far.

First and foremost I congratulate you for making it this far, and for having that conscious effort to Reboot.

During reboots, confusion really comes and goes, and most of the time, these confusion goes when our addiction and our wants are fighting out for your attention. One part of yourself wants to get of addiction, and the other part of yourself finds ways to relieve yourself from the hunger of your addiction. This is how complex our brains are. Our thoughts are contradicting each other and we got confused on identifying what we really want in life. Our addictions are because of stress and anxiety that we need an immediate relief from them, thus there is our PMO.

Our addiction strike us at our most vulnerable and confused state, because we are at our weakest moment. I think you are still in control of your mind in terms of keeping yourself away from PMO, but you entering the dating sites is your way of trying to gain control your confused self.

With regards to your girlfriend:
Ask yourself "DO I LOVE HER?"
If your answer is YES then I may suggest some things, I don't know if it works to all ladies, but we women are almost always wired the same way.

I feel that whether she is into it or not, might as well tell her what it is going on in your mind. I always believe Honesty is the Best Policy. At least you are being honest with her and she knows what is going on and the reason why you wanted to a No Sex Policy so far. I feel she will understand you want to stay away from sex first. And if she is supportive of your plans, I feel like she will also try to practice Karezza with you.
We women are wired almost always to be suspicious, and any change in our partner's actions makes us paranoid. Knowing the truth makes our worries at ease, and if we women really love our partner, I tell you, your gf will explore Karezza with you. But you know your gf, so you know how to decide on this.

Am I making sense? Just ask if I am not.

Stay strong, and THINK POSITIVE...
You can do it!

Good luck!

Well if the relationship has been put away, might I suggest you stay away from dating sites as well, and focus on your recovery.

God bless and I know you can do it!

What Aimee said

If dating sites are another way to get that rush of the chase, then they're at cross purposes for what you're trying to do. You are working on calming, centering, and disciplining yourself right now, and the excitement of checking out and corresponding with girls for a sexual/emotional relationship sounds like it might be at cross purposes. You met a lovely girl, you had connected, meaningful sex with her, but it might have been too early in the reboot process. I know you're lonely and craving female companionship (and not just sexual companionship), but working on improving yourself for a longer period might be better in the long run. And you have women here on this sight to correspond with, who understand what you're trying to do, and are supportive of it. That girl might be ready for you further down the road of recovery, or another one who "gets it" may show up on your horizon. Courage, dear one, courage.